hello good evening every 1 !!!! (especially shamita hi baby missyou so much kiss kiss) only like less than a week until school capital e Ends,, it will not really ever be the same again .... these people how i will miss most of them.. .but am so excited mostly for summer and the heat and when the sunsets are at like 9pm, the special socks i got just for our camping trip on friday, the strawberries we got, the shorts i wore, how we listened to a little debate podcast as a class today and it was on sun vs moon and the moon debater (queen!) said something like how the sun was important but the moon was special to earth, helped create it, influenced it, how it controls the tides now from far away, the universal experience of being young and looking out the window and thinking the moon was following you

Ok where was i!!!!! oh yeah summer is soon and school is almost over. happythoughts. & also i hav been losing my mind at these two and their divorce outside of a kfc ,,[heartbroken]

https://pbs.twimg.com/profile_images/1320708260341501953/ldLbry_Q.jpg

and life has been mostly okay, mellow, sometimes it's all too much too much too much too fast, but mostly it's right, closer to right, easier to breath shapes into my lungs at least, and i have been thinking about how my basil plant gave me and my mom a death scare the other day, the feeling of physical books,and nutmeg, dandelion wine, hot tea, god, the beekeeper of aleppo

oh yeah what else!!!!!!!! finished death note last week (banger show!!), played a bit of piano, went to tpo mall the other day and got these really nice comfy doc martens , ordered my fav iced oat milk shaken espresso drink (and also can we talk about how girls always get made fun of for drinking starbucks and how it always never really sat right with me becos starbucks tastes so good!! no wonder a lot of people love it!!!!) and how i was so so tired today, more than tired, a bit exhausted

and still kind of tired now but i am looking forward to sleeping soon and also sleeping tomorrow during class with safiya on the other side of the phone and breathing, steady

love u everyone!!!!! hope you are. doing well and the days are treating you good and also here is a customary spotify playlist https://open.spotify.com/playlist/262Ph8GmqylgYA5lIaCnRM?si=8960b36f56eb45c5 (a lot of banger tracks & also scroll to the bottom for my #recentfavs ) goodbye now y'all!!!!!!!!

good evening everyone (sham baby!!!! your if/then story was impeccable kiss me)! it was so hot today but i went outside like 10 minutes ago and it rained earlier and it smelled so good outside god what is it called again oh yeah petrichor,; 'constructed from the greek words petra "rock", or petros "stone", and īchōr, the fluid that flowed in the veins of the gods in greek mythology'

felt sad, happy, starting to feel a bit like i am falling back into old habits, old feelings, things i thought i got over ,and i am trying to figure out what is good for me and what is not so good for me, thinking maybe the schoolwork isn't that bad for other people, maybe i am just overreacting, everyone else is doing fine with it except for me, feeling that Overwhelmed feeling that i thought was only reserved for winter and the short short days and the blue and the sad except now i am feeling it in the summer when everything is supposed to be yellow and hot and happy and i am wondering if there's something wrong, with everyone, with me

and i am writing this at a time where i am unsure of my place, unsure of myself, everything is so tiring and people are leaving and my brother is going to university in a couple months, going away, it will only be me soon

ok onto less serious topics! i finished YOU (the show) &god joe goldberg could get it any day i know he murdered like 6 people but still ! and also am sooooo obsessed with peaches (fruit) rn they r. So good i swear even safiya was like Ok so your mood improved after eating that peach??? and i was like Huh.

and i am thinking a lot about god lately, about divineness in the universe, the cranberry juice that my mom bought that i am obsessed with rn, the lyrics to lo vas a olvidar - billie eilish and rosalía , joey and chandler, the work i have due this week, how tired i am, i am so tired god what do i do

anyway goodbye everyone!!!!!! it's only 10pm but i bet i'm gonna fall asleep soon , here is your customary playlist https://open.spotify.com/playlist/70ZILhna1VxqdqaQLvBm7E?si=b3d85abe0b224799 but my current spins have changed a bit since then i'll update it soon

love love love

GOOD evening everyone!!!!!!!!!! especially goldie in animal crossing sorry she's so sweet & shes a capricorn so. DOUBLE BONUS!!!!!! and ESPECIALLYESPECIALLY shamita sussy. my baby. hope you enjoyed getting penetrated by the. vaccine Only baddies get pfizer!!!! miss u and kiss meplease! class of 2013 mitski So good ..SO GOS so sooOSOSO SO GOOD jesus why r thursday nights so painful

'and he asked me if i believed in god ,and i thought about luca and his wife and how before they got together she was a waitress at his restaurant and he'd tried to fire here 2 weeks in , i thought about me and safiya exchanging minute long voice messages and missing each other ,thought about my brother's best friend's cat and the garden centre we went to and motion sickness - phoebe bridgers & i bet on losing dogs - mitski

i am thinking a lot about god lately, about haruki murakami, about waltzing in the hallway with safiya back in october, about the blooming 牡丹 back in china, my mom when she was younger, about the lake in august; that part in giovanni's room where the character is kind of debating with this other guy about home, and he says something like 'you will go home and then find that home is not home anymore', and the strangeness of changed places, changed people, and how as long as you never go home you'll always have a home to go to, n'est-ce pas?

ANWAYS ,!:!:!!!!! Still thinking aboot megumi fushiguro like All the time ! and also loving how i'm basically treating this like a journal so i can come back in a bit and be like !!!!!i remember when i used to love that song!! IT pains me to. think

god my arm hurts so bad My left deltoid just letting you know!!!!! may 27 my deltoid hurt so bad! i'm all out of juice now

goondgith!!!!! https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4YlkWTTW02By7bRtUzYzwT?si=011bd4afbbc447e4 ! it's all mitski this time

hello everyone !!!!!! &hello shamita my baby!!! today was mothers day Aka the day 2 celebrate my queen <43 we went on like a 2 hour hike and we found this big green field with a bunch of willows & i stg i almsot cried right there .saw like 19 dogs (Not an Exaggeration!!!!!!) and at least 2 of them ran up to us Bcos dogs r big dumb happy beautful and it made my day So good. even if cats r better sorry

& double washed my hair it came out so nice and my mom said she could smell my conditioner from 2 metres away and <3 and my teacher gassed me on the art with the eyeballs that i handed in last friday & i finished jjk (felt So so empty afterwards) and went phone shopping with my brother and watched 2 episodes of hell's kitchen with my mom bc gordon is a dilf ,;

listened to this one playlist on repeat, made fun of gingers, bought big bouquet for my mom and separated the flowers so now there's a bundle of pink carnations on my desk .makes the room smell nice

if i am being 100% honest i am not sure if these blogs r reaching anyone , wondering if i am just .Speking into the Void ! but that is okay bc i honestly treat this like my biweekly journal anyway;;/ i bet i'll read these posts in 2 years and Very Visibly cringe '

Thoughts: so there is a version of the multiverse theory where basically there are infinite timelines which all have infinite outcomes of each of your decisions, all happening at the Same Time, & so i am thinking that there is a timeline where everything is the same except the carnations in my room are white instead of pink, symbolizing deep deep sorrow, and that means there is a timeline where the carnations are not carnations but a big white cat sleeping on my table and it sheds its fur all over the shirt that is not the levi's shirt that i cut the hem off of yesterday but a yellow silk scarf made by my 姥姥 and also i never put up all those posters around my bed, switching out curtains for blinds. ,/'& well if there is a version of myself where i had everything i wanted ,good for her!!!! hope she is well ,hope all of my friends r doing well. hope my baby 1-year-old niece is doing well too

dear april by frank ocean and punisher by phoebe bridgers Are literaly going2 make me cry rn .i can't do this ,,, ,,. the skin on the side of my fingers r doing better ,learned a new etude for rcm 10, thought about pomegranates & megumi's eyelashes , how it feels to be awake at 2 am ,,,,,,

yeah!!!! here is my current favourite song https://open.spotify.com/track/2uNGH4c3KdOZARA4giRX4a?si=0b38cfef85104c0f But i might get tired of it in like 5 hours .Who Knows !!!!!!!! love u all!!

good night everyone ^^

hi hi hi hi hi hih hihi everyone !!!!!!(shamita my baby) !!! Ok quick life update: discovered some cool music & read a lot of poems for class (langston hughes You will be the death of me) and sat on the balcony for 2 hours & got into an argument with a dear friend about how sometimes it feels like i do not love her even if i do very much & saw sprouts grow from our sweet potatoes and watched until the last episode of my current fav show (jjk!!!!!! megumi !!)And I Cant seem to let it go and watch the last ep bc .I know the inevitable emptiness i will feel after it is over ;;> & thought about that one quote from olivarez that went something like “I killed a plant once because I gave / it too much water. Lord, I worry / that love is violence.”

ok what else Hmm i put a bunch of eyeballs into an art piece and played concone's etude in a flat major probably over 30 times this week and made my mom spicy crab onigiri &drew on a bunch of my brother's blue sticky notes and slapped them on the wall 3 days ago and saw them all still there today ,,. picked parsley from my garden and peeled the skin on my thumb so deep that it bled

thinking about people and whether i like our new teacher or not and thinking abt my mom going to balls when she was young and still in china and walking to campus while the 紫荆花 were still blooming, thinking about the different life i could've had and thinking about cause and effect

a anyways !!!!!! tim hortons has got to be putting crack cocaine into these iced capps There is absolutely no way something could taste this good ,;;,.., feeling like i am in a weird constant liminal space everyday , .., . my mom bought kiwis from our local chinese market ,;' had a very vivid dream about a white cat !!!!!!! there is a dude wearing sunglasses outside Holding two cartons of eggs. Idk I Think There Ar drugs in there

alright goodnight besties !!!! i think it is so symbolic and intimate to have only 2 followers like ??ok so r we gonna kiss now or??????? playlist basically: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5IRqobAUWYQnY59OLmX3TV?si=52692b09b85e4faa marry me if u listen to it. also my socks are santa claus Just Thought You Guys Should Know That

love love love !!!

hello everyone (shamita) i've been starting to think that my only purpose in life is 2 write these Aimless blog posts </3 But it's okay. I Accept My Destiny

today someone in the house across from me cut down the tree in front of their lawn and i thought about another universe where i was that tree & the sky was always pink and i didn’t leave three people for you & and in another universe where the raspberry bushes grow downwards with their roots in the air and in another universe where we meet in the middle of the street at the age of six while chasing after the same butterfly

ok Anyways !!!! this past week has been so jam-packed and Bam Bam Bam that it was kinda hard to take a breath but now it's saturday evening & i Really Truly have nothing else to do with my life exxcept watch jjk with two blankets pooled around my waist & swallow two pills and share a glass of water with my mom,,,. It is truly a thing , being alive ]. the back of my neck is exposed and i watch the sun set outside my window and think about how i used to sleep on the other side of the bed last spring

on friday night i dreamt of swimming pools in the dark and moons the size of paper plates and strawberries in my favourite bowl and you say "do you remember the first time we came here?" and i say no even if i do. & look, the sky is ombre blue purple pink and look, the screen door is ajar and look, the letter that you wrote me is still on the wall by my bed and look,

asdmskamzkadksmzkwoalals !!!!!! hope everyone is Doing Ok on this fine night. can't believe it's may already i literally might go berserk any moment ,,,.> oh and here's the playlist i was listening to all day https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2D3Sz2ubXwvglntzYiK6g8?si=132198d9fb024b70 it's only phoebe bridgers sorry

love u guys (shamita <3) take me to a pet store and we can give freedom to all the clownfish

this photo Cured me :

https://64.media.tumblr.com/a7deb2b47713b1fc2304b779eeb3c169/tumblr_pf17b0Y8Xr1ukoi7g_640.jpg

Guys Its Literally Sleeping Under the Covers i am tearing up .okay Okay sleep well tonight everyone !!!!! if you dream of anything cool tell me about it and we can decipher that the red sky means you have a dumptruck booty !!! <33

hello!!!!! most of the time i say hi everyone but in reality it's just hi shamita because she's my only follower but to me the words are kinda like synonyms because shamita is my everything anyway ,..<<3 so hello everyone (shamita) !!! i've been drinking boba a lot lately. you know how on the news they said that there's a tapioca boba ball shortage Yeah Well I Wanted To tell you guys that That's Because Of Me. i am singlehandedly destroying the beverage industry ,. No i do not take quesitons at this time

it’s like 5pm and i’m thinking maybe my favourite season is spring. i’m thinking maybe it’s not so bad maybe i’ll be alright maybe my daily Trash-Talking-With-Safiya while the google meet call is going on and my brother buying me boba and watching the cherry blossom trees in the house across from me bloom and making fun of contestants on masterchef with my mom but tearing up whenever people get eliminated. i’m thinking maybe that’s enough

i reconnected with an old friend today. my brother came home with a mango slush for me and i'm pretty sure i swallowed all the stars. i used a new conditioner in my hair last night and now i smell like coconut. my mom hugged me while we were standing in the bread aisle at costco. i made a new playlist and named it after a flower. i am happy with my simple mundane life today!!!!! i belong to myself and the world belongs to me and we all belong to each other in a way & we hold on to people and to places and to feelings and to fears & & & we hold on to the things we want to lose because deep down we’re aware of it all, aware how everything changes and butterflies grow from caterpillars and the seasons change and how the skin on your thumb always grows back no matter how many times you pick at it

too much 2 think abt at once !!!!!!! ok Back to regular scheduled programming:: i sat outside at like 8pm and did nothing for 30 minutes and it was really quite therapeutic ! there was this lady in a big red puffy coat who kept on walking in and out of her house and the whole time i was like Ok i don't really get it but yes queen!!!! get that bag !!!!!!!! and this morning i kind of deciphered that a couple of my friends have a group chat without me and its at those times when i feel like the lady in the red jacket walking in circles outside her house, endlessly searching

& thinking about dandelions, about setting my alarm 5 minutes earlier in the morning to water my plants, of this hozier song that i love, this phoebe bridgers song that i love, my friends that i love, about mismatched chopsticks, and how i've been trying to write this blog post for three days except none of the words sounded right

i've also been thinking a lot about summer !!!! and dark blue swimming pools and syrupy sweet summer hugs and leaving my window open when it rains and the air conditioning on full blast while i'm lying down spread-eagled on my bed & thinking about how much i miss it even though last summer was a blur and the only thing i really remember is that day with the balcony and the wildflowers and the sticky iced coffee and the lavender perfume;....,.' guys do i have too many run-on sentences

i'm done now </3 pretty sure these posts r getting longer and longer someone please stop me ! also here is a part of this poem by ada limÓn i've been thinking about all week: "and I think of that walk in the valley where / J said, You don’t believe in God? And I said, / No. I believe in this connection we all have / to nature, to each other, to the universe. / And she said, Yeah, God. And how we stood there,"

this is the playlist i was listening to while writing this mess of a post: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2iCokjlsL8EayVoYUAJMCY?si=158cc993c32943ef you can listen to it if you would like to and also you can email me your own favourite quote or part of a poem or a bit of the book that you're reading <.33 i would love to read it

goodbye for now everyone!!!!!!!!!! ₊˚ˑ༄ؘ

hi everyone !!! & by everyone i mean shamita whom is my only follower and is my everything anyway ,,.;<3 ok still don't know what 2 write in these blog posts !!!!!!! drinking an iced capp !!! treating this like my diary!! and thinking abt this day last year with the sunset and the yellow sweater and thinking was it easier then? am i happier now ??? it's cloudy today but it was sunny last year and i'm trying to figure out if the weather correlates to how i'm feeling

thinking about a portuguese word i heard once: saudade. defined as profound, melancholic longing for something or someone absent. someone that you loved. someone that might never return. & how the me that i am today is so different from the me that i was yesterday which is different from the me that i was a month ago and a year ago and i'm wondering how someone like that could ever be loved & i thought of that one post that went something like "to love someone long-term is to attend a thousand funerals of the people they used to be" and Ok. too much to think abt at once !!!!!! can my brain go back to being sloppy grey mush please !!!!!!!!!

ok vegetables !! only a select few veggies r actually acceptable in society And i'm not talking about basics like corn ,. .I am taling about the big guns. like romanesco broccoli. like purple cauliflower !!! but If I'm being honest i'm not rlly qualified to talk about vegetables bc i only eat one like every 3 weeks. don't tell my mom i said that

i'm done now bc my mom's calling me to watch some masterchef with her !!!!! & Just a note : masterchef is top tier like Cmon you have gordan dilf ramsey and joe dilf bastianich and also i force myself to fall in love with someone every season so it becomes really emotionally investing and then i have a meltdown when they get eliminated bc their soufflé didn't rise or something like that,, </3 wow I Am Tearing Up just thinking about it

here is the playlist that i was listening to while writing this Mess : https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6djfpVbrQT1zufBF26wj3K?si=5da3ea82d7464db8 !!!!!! & also here is the photo that singlehandedly got me through the day i do not know where i would be without seeing this

https://i.pinimg.com/originals/fb/16/da/fb16da2ac9bd475745df12b327a2b85b.jpg

goodbye everyone & i hope tomorrow is your favourite weather :] ₊˚ˑ༄ؘ am still trying to figure out what my favourite weather is. maybe i just want all of them for now

hi. ,. This is my first blog. not sure what 2 write ,.: hi !!!! my fav drink is chamomile tea or iced latte or rosé wine. trust me Guys rosé is the best red wine is too dry too tart i expected so much better my expectations were so high for red wine and It Tastes Bad. trust me on this ! ok what was i talking about Anyways some movies i recommend: howl's moving castle !!!!!! i love howl !! his energy >> & idk how to say this but he literally has earrings

Guys I am Just Rambling ok what next my favourite ramen brand is shin ramen but buldak..>!!!!! oh yeah and i've also been thinking a lot about flowers &fruit and songs and etc. Hmmmmm ok: favourite flowers; daisies and hyacinths and irises magnolias honeysuckle apple blossom lilac lavender and i know this isn't really a flower but rosemary !!!!!!!! and tangerines >>>> so good. & raspberries green grapes honeydew strawberries. && honestly idk if anyones actually gonna read this but i Just Remembered A Thing about hyacinths Ok so apollo's lover was named hyacinth and when he died (murder or accident depending on who you ask) apollo sprung hyacinth flowers from his blood that was pooled on the ground OK sad anectode: OVER

ok i Think I Am Done. the playlist that i was listening 2 while writing this : https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6UGaSm66TnCDdEJ3rHdiQ2?si=FGcqA0wESMOWyHi3ZgkiBA listen to it or follow me or email me about your favourite vegetable or whatever you would like !!!!! bye everyone !!₊˚ˑ༄ؘ

here is a picture of a cow. <3

https://i.pinimg.com/564x/24/e5/80/24e580e08ffdb96ad2fd415a89282544.jpg