there is a very sever thunderstorm and i quite have nothing else to do, so i will explain how my dreams work.

my dreams ever since i was little have reoccurred. they have reoccurring characters, per say people, and they have re occurring locations which i nickname.
places such as , Apple Country Farms, The jungle gym library, The Crawl Space Library, the flower garden, alt house The Alt Schools (which are the specific dream versions of my schools that i attended, they look different but they always have the same layout) and many more.

Reoccurring people are usually people that i dont quite know got into my dreams?
there is the obvious people that would be there, 'family, friends, all that jazz.
but...there are other people that i just wonder why and how they got into my dreams, where my brain learned of them..
these people are band members of bands i never saw, people who i didn't meet untill years after the dream(locations too)
and the witch.

the witch is my brain processing a certain person i think.
she looks like a certain person, but not how i would of ever seen her even if i did. more current to how she looks, no matter what
year it was.
there are other people too that i just cant fathom how they got in my dreams as a young kid.
people like the msi guitarist, Steve, and his whole family adopting me, and it was so creepy cause i didn't even know who they were at all! i was like 11 maybe when i had that dream? it was very traumatic though.

in all essence, my dreams are complicated and my thoughts are too, and i am WAY too self aware. so that is as best as i can explain it without feeling weird about it.

6/4/2021

(oh and also-the rain is pouring like cats and dogs! the gutter is overflowing and the streets are flooded, i can rolling thunder in my chest and throughout the house-its creee-py!. i also thought the air shutting off was a power outage but it was me being kinda freaked lol. it feels like 8pm but its only 4:55pm)

6/2/21
i don't remember much about tonight's dream. what i do remember is it was set in the crawl space library. my mother took me deep into the crawl space, like the first time, saying she was her childhood place, my grandpa was there too. Then we went out and had a field trip or something, i was on a bus, saw the trampoline my friend was talking about (that was abandoned) this kid next to me got upset and called me captain obvious, the blonde kid next to me laughed, i got out of the bus and ran to this auditorium thing cause i thought i saw meg, but it was her uncle?? then i went a bit further and saw her, her dad and her lil sis, we all watched a movie although meg was upset. :(
then all of a sudden after a calming part, i was back in the library, my mom, i now realize, had a longer hair and looked different, but had her touch to the skin, reeked of perfume. She took me even deeper into this quarter size library, which i started to wonder how i fit into it when i was little, and how i used to not get back problems from having fun. We then go up to an actual crawl space, it went deeper, my mom who looked VERY like a younger version of her, somehow now had short hair and was in linen shorts, and a very dated top, pointed to a small wooden built in box with a door, it was white. She opened it and said, "now look at me, if you ever EVER are stuck in sh00ting, or an intruder, or a brusjsh[muttering], hide in here it was safe, then as if it was a bad word, it started appearing everywhere intron of me, brujas(that's not how you spell it i am just tired) and she transformed before my eyes into like and evil version of the witch??? Which ik is some BS cause the witch is nice. Then i full on tackled her and twisted her neck, yk now im thinking about it it kind of looked like momo, lol. Oh and after i escaped, i remember something about the nickelodeon section and it being very green, me trashing it, and my grandpa trying to get a tree received so the library is more stable. And the mother i returned to was the same entity, i felt it in my gut. i really did.

The thing is i saw the witch this dream in the begging, so SHE was the one showing me the library dream once again, well duh its her, that why they are all repeating again, hopefully it will be the apple country farm again or the jungle gym library. I'll look into this dream later.

I had that dream where I fought JD again, most of my repeat dreams have been from three or more years ago but this one is recent. I know I'm in them but I think of it more as a groundhog day situation. In the dream I had to kill JD with a knife and we duked it out in the halls. (they looked like a combo of my first middle school and my high school rn) It was a sick dream and he got two stabs in me whilst I got a good portion of his neck to start off with. No teachers came or anything because I didn't want em to and my subconsomic listened. This dream wasn't as nearly traumatic as the ''family jail' or 'your being euthanized' dreams but it was pretty gorey. Blood everywhere and I was scared even though I knew when we came to the stairs he would be able to stab me in the left arm twice before I could get another blow. I pushed him down the stairs and we both had a big coat on, mine was cooler. It probably looked like laundry falling down. I killed him and he had some not so kind words to say, and the inner fear that I haven't felt from a dream in years has come back.A knife in his back and my nails digging around his throat, my legs around him though. He screamed a bloody curdle. It was around 6 am and I thought my mom was calling me to wake up, but it was definitely his scream.

I didn't go back to sleep.

okay i am listeing to the panic albumb a 'fever you cant sweat out' for the first time and it is so good.

(one song was kinda hot lol 0-0)

but you know that i actually waited to listen to it? i know its on yt but i got the cd and since im on my grandpas computer i decided to play it.
(i am actually back on my normal computer luckily but i still have his old computer for a day or two)

i am on the intermission and i didnt realize that it and other where techno, it is so cool!

i am listening to bad apple lol
oh and my computer charger broke and i got grounded so im on my grandpas old computer XP

LETS GOOOOOO

thinking of changing the music on the page to a kittie song, but like it would be the song i have and a kittie song yk?

also the dumb popular white rich motherfuckaz at my school are laughing about their texting games in science class, they are so rude to the teacher too. we are waiting on like one or two of them to sign into the assignment for like 10 min now. also they have ugly laughs in which they think they have the right to laugh at people with when they are as bland as stale soup crackers. they all have monotone voices, fugly laughs, dull colors, dull personalities, they bounce around the point, and they are really rude and bully others for liking things that they dont like?? i dont care that they like their dull straight ppl romcoms or hallmark movies or whatever they watch! goys shouldnt bother me, if im not bothering them! they also cheat on their S/Os a lot like HUH?? they also also bullied one of my friends so bad they made her go to another school! I HATE THEM AND THEIR ROUMORS AND THEIR PRISSYNESS!

THAT SAME SPICEY CHICKEN AD, IT IS IN KOREAN, I GOT IT THREE TIMES, ALAS I CANNOT HAVE THE SANDWITCH FOR IT IS ON ANOTHER HEMISPHERE.

uh oh
i feel as if im going to hyper fixate on LOZ ALTTP again.
im watching the jontron and uh the other guys play thru because
A its archived
and
B ive never seen this one, and ive seen the other gamegrumps one a hundred times over.

oh and ive also been drawing more and more, getting outta this burn out is tough but its happening at least
https://media1.giphy.com/media/107QsHzZW54hJC/giphy.gif
oh and its arin i legit am just stupid.

itz the....
.................
..................

https://i.pinimg.com/originals/e8/eb/bb/e8ebbb47779bfc2a40db6b0564b284b2.jpg
...................
.............
...HAHA FUNNY NUMBER