Okay so recently ive come to the conclusion that im gay. When i was 7 i had my first kiss was a girl and it wasnt like a peck like its was a lil more than a kiss trust. But recently talking to guys is just something that doesnt intrest me ive only dated 1 boy seriously and that was for almost a year and half and it was super toxic and when we broke up i took time to figure my self out and ive come to the conclusion that guys no longer give me the same feeling girls do like i can see a girl and im like omg shes fucking beautiful and i would date her but when i see a guy or even when im talking to them its like nothing but a girl even smiles at me and im like omg omg omg like a 5 year old fangirling on the inside. I feel like im gay but im not sure cause like i have some issues like trust and just a lot of trama that i dont really wanna talk about yet but a lot contributes to it my childhood, i had to switch schools a lot, and my last relationship also gave me a lot of trama so i just dont know. All i know is girls make me feel all happy and guys just dont their nice to have as a friend but nothing more cause almost every guy i know is really like "im into chicks not gay shit" type of vibe and i fucking hate it. Which is also why im not sure if just that the guys i talk to and go to school with are kinda shit or if im just gay like im really confused and i really just dont know. If anyone has any advice please comment and let me know, thank you

Im sorry if theres any misspelling im not good at typing and im really high:)

Okay im just gonna rant about how i think life is useless the way we live it. We spend 12 years going to school and that's not including people who have to repeat or even do it in less time so they can graduate early due to something but from the moment were 5 or 6 were in preschool and even younger your in day care or some type of place like sometimes. Your taught from a young age you go to school, you get ur education, you get a job, you retire, then you die. It's so messed up not even to mention ur taught that if you don't go to college your stuck in some "dead-end job" but then they want me to pay for my education to get a good job, to then be stuck in student debt the rest of my life and going to my job thats just sorta fancy because i decided to go to college and pay a stupid amount of money to just slightly amount to something in this world. Theres not a moment in time where you can just be you. when ur kid you can't act to childish when ur a teen ur expected to be an adult and if not u get treated like ur 5 when ur in your 20s ur expected to be in college figuring out your life and bu the time ur 25-30 ur supposed to have a job and be living and have a significant other and possibly children its like people don't understand that were not robots and some of us don't want to live like that i want to live my life do things that im scared of but i cant because every time i try it's always your too young focus on your future it's so much pressure its alluding how you can just forget that its your life not someone elses so do that stupid thing you wanted to because you'll wake up someday and regret and blame ur self for not being more you and not even that parents and teachers and just people in general need to understand that kinds even people in there 20s should be able to do some stupid crazy things without it being held over your head. No ones perfect and people need to stop treating other like if there not perfect its the worst thing in the world. I just want to live life without the worry and the anxiety of it all so much pressure so little time.

Okay so i've been quarntined more times than I can count in the last 2 months due to school which is fine because i've tested negative everytime but then it gets me behind on school work. My teachers dont make zooms for me to go to so they can't explain the lesson to me which ends up making me fail the assignment or they just assign so many assignments and quizzes for me while i'm at home that it's impossible to do it all. My algebra 2 teacher in just 2 days has assigned me 6 quizzes and 5 assignments all worth 3 times it's grade. My english teacher assigns so many questions for this book that she refuses to tell me the name of because I can "cheat" but how am I supposed to do the assignment and read the book if she wont tell me the name of it. Not even to mention my chem teacher who assigns assigments without giving us the worksheet but puts the grade in, it makes no sense. Also school grades just make students feel bad about there mental capacity which results in a whole load of issues because grades define how well you do in life according to all teachers so students who dont always apply themsleves like myself are deemed as irresponsible or don't care when in reality it's that no one has the motivation or the strive to even try anymore because everything is so trivial in school. Thank you for listening to pickle talk. Hope everyone has a great day see you tmr.
:)