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"Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke!"
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NHGH and the Anti-"Bob"

NHGH is one of the gods, but not an Elder God. He is the son of the Goddess Nunu and HIMSELF! And the twin sister goddesses Nunu and Narnini are daughters of Eris Discordia and Jehovah 1, m;u;", and is the smiling face behind The Conspiracy.
The Anti-"Bob" (Dick Dobbs, the Unclean One, OBO, Ed) is the spawn of NHGH who will emerge in the future to lead the Bozos after X-Day. Some believe the Anti-Bob's mother will be a Bobbie Girl. Since NHGH experiences time backwards, the day when NHGH is born approaches, after which NHGH will cease to exist. And since NHGH is the force behind The Conspiracy in its fight against "Bob", he needs an heir to continue his work after he is gone.

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In the future, after X-Day and the genocide of humans by the X-ists in their Pleasure Saucers and the departure of all SubGenii to Planet X, the surviving humans will rebuild, but the world will be a very different place.
The world will be taken over by clowns. These clowns will be called Bozos, and while the original Bozos will become Bozos by getting the Bozoid surgery, this surgery alters their DNA and mutates them so that any offspring they have will also be Bozos. While Bozos are capable of bulldada, they are actually completely lacking in Slack, and are a pathetic imitation of SubGenii and vastly inferior. This is because they are followers of NHGH rather than "Bob", and their leader is the Anti-"Bob". They are agents of The Conspiracy and the New World Order. There are already some Bozos in this world. They call themselves Juggalos. The Juggalos are the first wave of Bozos produced by The Conspiracy, but there will be more Bozos. MANY more Bozos.

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The C.O.N.S.P.I.R.A.C.Y.

The C.O.N.S.P.I.R.A.C.Y., short for Cliques Of Normals Secretly Planning Insidious Rituals Aimed at Controlling You, is the evil organization that the Church of the SubGenius was created to combat. It is also known as the Conspiracy of Normals, the Conspiracy, or just the BIG CON. "Bob" Dobbs infiltrated the Conspiracy and has devoted his life to destroying them from the inside. The rebel god NHGH and his son, the Anti-"Bob", are the main forces behind the Conspiracy. The Conspiracy also includes the Men in Black, the Illuminati, and the New World Order, as well as destructive cults like Scientology.
The Conspiracy creates vast amounts of propaganda of all types, sometimes even shamelessly ripping off SubGenius ideas, for example the very popular Japanese anime franchise Neon Genesis Evangelion, which is about how the events of X-Day would turn out if they happened in a Hell on Earth entirely populated by Normals with no Slack or SubGenii and took course over a longer period than just 1 day. The main theme of that anime franchise is to convince viewers that opposing the Conspiracy is futile and everyone should simply submit to its will, get rid of their individual differences, and become as Normal as possible. That is just one typical example of the type of conformist propaganda that the Conspiracy constantly bombards people with in its attempts to brainwash everyone.
There are many conspiracy theories out there, and while all of them are obviously correct, most of them don't go far enough, and fail to realize that everything is one great big single Conspiracy that controls everything.

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X-Day is the day the world will end, on July 5, 1998, which is in the future. Every year around the time of July 5th, we SubGenii organize a grand celebration of X-Day in some neo-pagan event campground out in the middle of nowhere (it used to be at Brushwood and now it's at Wisteria). The official website for XXI-Day (2Ith X-Day) (held in Conspiracy year 2018 at Wisteria in Pomeroy, Ohio) is on subgenius.com. BE THERE! This year it is FOR REAL! X-Day has a Facebook page here! If something has a Facebook page, IT MUST BE FOR REALS!!!

Anyway, X-Day is when The Rupture happens and we get to party with Alien Sex Goddesses on Pleasure Saucers while we destroy Earth with help from the X-ists, and then fly back to Planet X. As for what to do with the humans after X-Day, that's a debate between the Ivangelicals and Holocaustals. Wikipedia has plenty of biased misinformation about X-Day.

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Pinks and Bobbies

A Pink (also known as a Pink Boy (this is not the same as LGBT; many SubGenii are LGBT, but the SubGenii had the term first!), a Normal, a MeHume, a Mediocretin, or a Glorp) is someone who is NOT a dues-paying member of the Church of the SubGenius. They are all part of the Conspiracy of Normals, trying to make everyone else Normal just like them, and trying to steal away our Slack. They think the name of "Bob" Dobbs is just Bob Dobbs, without the quotes, and are interested in things like giraffes. They will all get fried by the lasers of the Pleasure Saucers on X-Day.

Pinks can (and do) purchase goods and services form SubGenius Foundation - some may have paid dues and even believe to be saved. This does cause some confusion from time to time, so accubeating is often employed as a form of Sacred Hazing to sort the wheat from the chaf. When asked why we sell to them at all, J. R. "Bob" Dobbs quipped "They may be PINK but their money is GREEN".

Here is a video of a typical Pink and how stupid they act in everyday life: https://youtu.be/Yavx9yxTrsw

Bobbies are basically n00bz to the Church of the SubGenius who are obsessed with "Bob" and won't shut up about him. They don't yet understand the "Short Duration" part about having a Short Duration Personal Savior. Some are pink, and some will snap out of it.

Once a SubGenius has their true Yeti nature revealed to them and learn the glories of Slack, they almost inevitably have a Bobbie phase. Some SubGenii fall into multiple Bobbie phases; all that matters is that they recognize it and move on. Stang often refers to himself as the first and biggest Bobbie. All Church members sign up for the deal "eternal salvation or triple your money back". While the SubGenii are pretty much guaranteed eternal salvation, Bobbies who screw things up so badly they miss the Pleasure Saucers on X-Day will be clutching their tripled investment as they burn.

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The Types of SubGenii

A SubGenius is an ordained, dues-paying member of the Church of the SubGenius. In some cases, someone could be made a SubGenius by someone else. The common plural of SubGenius is SubGenii, but SubGeniuses is also used.
Only SubGenii get to go to Planet X on the Pleasure Saucers when X-Day comes and get to have cool titles. SubGenii are descended from Yeti and are sometimes called Yetinsyny, and the ones obsessed with "Bob" are called Bobbies. The SubGenius must have Slack! The Brag of the SubGenius is the most amazing brag ever, and is true for any SubGenius.
There are many SubGenius rituals, such as "Bob"tism, casting out false prophets, meditation, Forbidden Science experiments, and production of Xtranormal videos. Here is a video of a typical SubGenius, Rev. Mark Mothersbaugh, lead singer of DEVO, where you can see how SubGenii usually deal with Pinks who try to ask them stupid questions:
All SubGeniuses fall into one of the two primary behavioural categories: REWARDIAN or EMERGENTILE. All Rewardians, however, bear Emergentile traits to some degree, and vice versa.
REWARDIANS seek timelessly to reward themselves for things they are "about to do" by piddling in pure Slack Abuse, 'getting by' with as little effort and as well-greased mistakes as possible on the Path of Least Resistance. No
longer interested in the Be-Here-Now, they prefer the "Be-There-Later." They believe that slacking off all the time and not doing any work unless absolutely necessary is the best way to get Slack. Often misconstrued as a totally unconstruc- tive, slothful lifestyle, Rewardianism is actually a Holy Quest for the sacred principle of Something for Nothing.
Rewardians strive (not very hard) to become perpetual motion machines, fueled only by the welfare of the Pink World -- which is to them but a phantasm, a mere illusion in this vale of nonexistent material things. If nothing else, they at
least become expert Floorsleepers and Tubemasters. A rich or industrious spouse is a welcome partner on this sacred road.
EMERGENTILES, on the other hand (the left, symbolically), follow the 'yoga' of the Anarchocapiltalist. They thrive on emergencies and make sure that their lives are filled with them. Emergentiles find their slack in getting things done that they want to be complete, often under pressure (deadlines, legal trouble, threat of physical violence, etc). They insist that the dogma of finding one's own slack means their choice is as valid as the lazy bum Rewardians, and often think they get a better "reward" than those who do nothing 24x7. They prefer 'swimming upstream' and work best under panic conditions. They're always "punishing" themselves for fun they might have later. Were there no Emergentiles, the Rewardians would all starve to death, and this fact gives Emergentiles great secret satisfaction.

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