"i feel isolated and alone"

says the guy who isolated himself >B)

So if you're lonely, you know I'm here waiting for you
I'm just a cross-hair, I'm just a shot away from you
And if you leave here, you leave me broken shattered I lie
I'm just a cross-hair, I'm just a shot then we can die

I know I won't be leaving here with you

I say, don't you know?
You say, you don't know
I say, take me out!
I say, you don't show
Don't move, time is slow
I say, take me out!

Well I say, you don't know?
You say, you don't go
I say, take me out!

If I move, this could die
Eyes move, this can die
I want you to take me out

I know I won't be leaving here
I know I won't be leaving here
I know I won't be leaving here
I know I won't be leaving here with you

I say, don't you know?
You say, you don't know
I say, take me out!

If I wane, this could die
I wait, this could die
I want you to take me out
If I move, this could die
Eyes move, this can die
Come on, take me out

I know I won't be leaving here
I know I won't be leaving here
I know I won't be leaving here
I know I won't be leaving here with you

go listen to franz ferdinand <3

i want to play minecraft

but i can't </3

i will now describe my gender in an abstract way in relation to how they tie to my pronouns, for fun ig. i like to write and this is an excuse to do so lmao.

it/its
"being looked down upon the way a man looks at a pen or pencil that fell off the desk, about to pick it up."

he/him
"being 10 years old and going on a family field trip to a river or lake in the rural area outside of town on a sunday and staying there from 10/11 am to 5pm bc you have to leave early bc the highway isn't in the best conditions, and it's gonna get dark soon. you're excited bc tomorrow you get to go to school and talk to your friends abt going swimming."

so i just saw this image on coming out and it made me think...
https://i.imgur.com/1PrllrX.jpg

i dont have the chance to do that. i feel like it's a really big difference between coming out as gay (i say gay as an umbrella term, which includes any kind of sexuality that's not straight, like bi/pan, lesbian, ace/aro, and all the others i cant remember) and coming out as trans (same w this one, for this discussion it encompasses anyone that isn't cis). bc when youre gay, you can just come home one day w your partner and see what happens, hopefully you'll get support from your family but you can essentially treat it the same as being straight. you also could like, not even present your partner to you family and skip all that stuff. you could literally hide forever and no one would care that much.

being trans however, unless you're already an adult and living somewhere else, not really planning on seeing your parents/family in a long time or ever again, you cant do that. like id love not to have to tell my parents im trans (not bc they wouldn't accept me im just a coward), but if i ever want to like, be comfortable in my own body while still a teenager, i have to. if i get a binder behind their back they'll prob notice that suddenly the boob gone for some amount of time yk. for getting on hormones i need parental permission and also go to another city bc there's no such thing here on my own. if i want them to recognize me in the future ill need to tell them so they wont just be confused when seemingly a stranger calls them out and says "hey it's me, your son" lmao. it's a completely different issue i feel like. idk i just made this bc im too scared to come out to my parents and possibly trying to justify it. ive been feeling pretty bad and hopeless about it recently.

anyways cool chat.

you ever look at yourself in the mirrorand stare into your eyes for a while, and then you see yourself in your own eyes?? p spooky if you ask me, but at the same time really cool. if you havent, i recommend you do it, it's fun.

i hate evryething i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate ittt. i wrote a variety blog and whene i went to post it it told me i wasnt looged, went back, ssaid the same, now the thing is lost and i want to cry so hard. guess ill never express myself again <3

i wrote something and i think it's pretty cool and i really liked it >:)

i have 20 fwiends now... why... how...
expect a sock blog soon, in which i explain my very specific relationship w socks, and hopefully someone cna relate

so i just finished the hat this morning and my sister used it all day, and it's really cute :)! it could look better, but it's still cool. so yeah here are some pictures of the hat :>.

https://i.imgur.com/cueuyDR.jpg
https://i.imgur.com/ZUD0gzf.jpg

and here's me wearing the hat :P

https://i.imgur.com/pJ6DKWN.jpg

cool alr thhen bye :).