Give me your wisdom

So a couple years ago my cousin came over and INSISTED we stay up late and watch a scary movie. The new movie out at the time was The CONJURING 2. I'd never seen the first one but he said that it didn't matter because he had seen the first one and he wanted to watch the second one regardless of what I thought. One of the things he would not stop going on about was "The Crooked Man". He said the Crooked Man had a jump-scare so big it would scare me shitless. He knew this, because his mother who went to the cinema to watch it told him she shit herself so hard and had to get up and go to the toilet mid movie. I did not want to shit myself. Obviously no 12 year old wants to shit themselves in front of their older and self-proclaimed cooler cousin. The whole movie I sat and stared wide eyed waiting every second for The Crooked Man to come out and jump-scare me. I would get really frightened thinking it was coming every minute and my cousin would laugh at me saying "The Crooked man comes later, you idiot" and I would continue to be scared every time the camera angle changed. Eventually, we got to the real jump-scare. The Crooked Man comes out- "BOO!" I had been waiting for this moment the whole movie, and because of that, it had no effect on me, and I didn't even flinch. My cousin, on the other hand, who had become quite cocky through out the whole thing, screamed like some sort Australian wildlife and threw his popcorn all over himself. He jumped out of his seat so hard that he fell off the sofa, and quickly got up, heading to the bathroom, waddling with a wet patch between his legs. I, a very happy 12 year old, ate his popcorn while he was away, and quite happily watched the rest of the movie on my own while he cleaned himself up in the bathroom.

Anyhoo, that was My Conjuring Story (Scary). This is why me and my cousin don't talk anymore.

When you're trying to think of a word

and for whatever reason you can't. It's on the tip of your tongue, greasing up the edges, but for whatever ungodly reason you couldn't remember it for the life of you? Oh man. And I KNOW what it is, I just don't KNOW what it is. Oooooooooh, god just thinking about it makes me wanna SCREAM.

how are you?
https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/802238554515964004/854113916099756063/dog.gif

hi I just wanted to make a blog sorry for wasting your time
https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/810528123518582798/854043383136124948/speed.gif

I'll hire a shady looking man dressed in a hat and trench coat at my funeral. He'd be at a distance where it wouldn't look obvious he was at the funeral, but also within distance for some people to notice he was there. If I wanted to take it one step further I could get a custom made mask of my own face and have him wear it, so that the people who notice him question whether it's me or not.
He'd leave shortly before the funeral was over to avoid interactions with anyone else. His whole purpose would just be to stand there and make it seem like I actually got up to something important and/or intriguing.

Another thing I could do is hire a bunch of people to also wear masks of my face, and sometime after my death, have them go out and cause chaos, breaking into people's house in the middle of the night. They wouldn't hurt anyone, but the idea is to make it seem like I'm haunting people.

I could also do this thing where when everyone arrives at my funeral, everyone is shocked to see that the casket is empty, and a guy comes out, closes it over, and then taps on it with a wand. When he opens it my dead body is in there and everyone claps.

I could also hire a look alike to lie down in my casket and then when people start to approach it, have them get up and start screaming and jump out the window. Everyone is absolutely terrified and then it's revealed it was all just a bit.

I could also make a load of recordings that people discover when I'm dead. They get people to go down some sort of rabbit hole I made up which leads to something dumb like a picture of me sticking my tongue out.

Wow. WOW. Okay, Tom, I see how it is. Deleting MY blogs off of the news tab? Okay, Tom. You wanna play this game? We'll play this game. I'm going to do something none of you could ever even comprehend... and them I'm going to apologize for it shortly after.

Wanna hear something Funny?

You bet you do. I bet you spend every hour of every day of your miserable little lives craving comedic anecdotes. There's actually nothing funny in this blog. I'm sorry to disappoi- I'm sorry- There is a bug crawling on my screen. This bug really has the audacity to crawl with it's filthy little legs across my screen, while I'm typing a blog. You know, it reminds me of someone. You. You filthy little insect. You clicked on this blog yourself. You probably thought to yourself "I wonder what wacky and comedic corpus skullz has posted today!" You fool. There is no funny, no wacky corpus to be had. Instead, you have been compared to the bug that lingers on my screen. Like this insect you stay close to the light, and hover over shit. Literal and metaphorical shit. I hope you're happy. I hope you thought this was amusing. I'm not even going to put a tone indicator on this. Oh, what a rascal I am.

Sweet dreams.

I made some art for Pride Month. I hope you like. Happy Pride Month.

https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/820424893140959253/850840674869837874/Duke_Nukem_Happy_Pride_Month_fixed.png?width=736&height=701
It didn't get on the news tab a couple times so this is my last try at it.