neck aches
just on one side
a muscle strained from
the monumental effort of lifting my head above my shoulders
keeping it in some semblance of normalcy

crooning voices through shitty headphones on the bus
ear aches
body aches

from hunger
excess fat pooling around my thighs
i could swim in it if i wanted
drown in myself maybe
or waste away as i’m meant to

walking home
burning it off and getting caught in the rain
deserved droplets trailing down my ankles

driver stops to let me cross
feel terrible for the kids in the back that had to stop for no reason
feel terrible
keep going

collapse on the bed
as i get home
unearned relief

limbs fuse with the mattress
no seam between human and inanimate object

so heavy all so heavy
body could be a body on jupiter
hands, claws grasping reaching pulling for rings of saturn

out of bed walk to the scales there’s a good girl
so heavy heavy
numbers glare at me
glare at you

write them
catalogue them
commit them
recite them
pledge them

live them you stupid stupid fuck
don’t die

MOVIE N TV RECS pls i am begging yous
it has recently come to my attention im an uncultured cunt !! by this i mean i have watched fleabag and trainspotting on repeat for the last 2 years and quite literally Nothing Else
so !
give me good movies to watch !!! impart ur knowledge onto me !!!!!!!

u heard me my music taste is my only personality trait<3
here’s the motherfucker follow me to instantly make me fall in love with you
https://open.spotify.com/user/pipsicola%3B%29?si=0nxSI8V7RtidE9LJMdVmUQ

beyond death, we shalt not part, for I will love you far after
i will love you as the ashes of me that return to the ashes of earth
i will love you as the budding fruit that grows from the soil of my remains
i will love you as the inevitable remains of said fruit that get deposited on someone’s Honda via a bastard bird

when all grief, all memory, all whispers of me leave
my love for you will stay
maybe in the smell of whipped vanilla cream of a french patisserie or in the first kisses that happen within it
maybe in the morning breath of lonely people or in the shared toothbrush holder of the family established

in death, my love for you will linger on in the eyes and mouths and cocks of young lovers
in the giggling of two teenagers and in the comfort of two old friends
in the girl sitting by the canal reading Ginsberg
and in the grandma playing bridge over a glass of gin and tonic

we both will be gone, dirt, dust and bone
but I will still touch you, embrace you, kiss you on the cheek
through the girls in the coffee shop doing the same
i will still laugh at your jokes and press my knee against yours
through the boys doing just that at that restaurant downtown
i’ll still scold you for your tidying and make your tea how you like it
through the aged childhood sweethearts,
wrinkles and rings round their eyes and fingers

death could not part us,
for what is death faced with love?
a cliche, I know, but a truthful one
we run deep through the earth, intertwined and interwoven
love shared for our partners, our moon, our gods

ashes gathered up and re used
earth dug up and returned
ripened fruit picked and replanted
love shared, and shared again

we were two complex humans
giggling in the dark
grinning at each other’s eyes
a taste of happiness at fifteen

we were tangled emotions
personalities seeping
mannerisms and hearts shared
playlists exchanged with a kiss in the title

we were one, and we were two
separated by nought but miles
staring north, or south
yearning but yearning with promise

we were hands held in public
feeling revolutionary
dreaming of so much more
like a coffee date, perhaps

we now just survive
without one another
guts wrenching and mind indifferent
separate webs sliced by your words

two complex humans
one crying in the dark
this does not feel revolutionary
this feels like shit