my ex has 4000 followers, is working on a game, and even has her memes posted on youtube. i just realized ive done nothing with my life and ill never be successful.

I comfort her, gave her all the love i could, everything. but no, i failed her. I drained her with talking about repetitive things. I deserved her cheating on me in front of me. I deserved the pain. I was never enough, and i never will be. she'll probably be more successful than me too in the future, and I'll just be either doing crack or just commiting suicide.

i turn 15 now woooooo

alright, so basically my job was to sand off dvds and games and clean them. it was pretty fun, but i got super tired at the end of the day. i only got 7 dollars today but to be fair its my first day and i only worked 2 hours lmao

man everything today just looks so gloomy and grey cause its cloudy and it is making me a bit sad :(

can someone try to cheer me up

god postal dude is so cute. I wanna squish his cheeks and give him a big ol smooch. I wuv you, stinky man.

i got the job! so basically im gonna start on monday at 4:30 and im going to clean game/movie/music discs. im excited :3

i might get a job at my fav local game store, but i most likely wont get the job cause its like, a small local business. i hope i get to work there for a bit, though. im on super good terms with the guy who runs the place so who knows? I might get it. im also kinda nervous about it.

postal dude was born in paradise and he still lives there now. when he was born, the doctors thought he was very FAT.

doctors: congratulation ms. dude you have given birth to a healthy baby boy

postal baby: screeching

doctors: shut up you are FAT

and his childhood was okay, i guess. when he would go to school, he would get bullied for being stinky but that soon stopped.

and now, his teen life. he got a girlfriend named postal dudette. they went on a date to mcdonalds and it was really great.

what is postal dude doing now? he's sleeping on his couch and drooling after he has had a long day of chores and wreaking havoc on humanity. OH GOD, WHAT IS THAT HORRIFIC SMELL? oh wait its just our boy!

https://img.gta5-mods.com/q85-w800/images/postal-dude-s-voice-replace-trevor-s-voice/d4dc55-61820-0-1462334299.png

i doubt anyone really cared if I hadn't been posting or not, but i just decided to post this just to prove that im well, alive.

recently, ive been noticing that ive been lashing out at people more. ive been more irritable and a little bit emotionally unstable. i don't really know why i keep doing this, as ive already been done with that one time of the month we don't talk about, and ive been taking my meds. i don't even know how long this phase has been, probably a few weeks?

tl;dr: i keep acting like an asshole and regretting it and im worried about myself

Im truly sorry for my disgusting behavior on the Discord server. I don't even know why I had violent outbursts and lashed out at everyone, I was probably either tired or in a bad mood.

This may be my self-loathing side, but I dont think I can forgive myself. I'm a monster.