suffocating in the construct of gender

hELp i cannot 4 the life of me figure out what pronouns i wanna use. like i just dont feel like a girl or a boy but at the same time i do?? like what even is the point with gender?? were literally just brains driving a skeleton in a bag of flesh on a floating rock in space why does it matter if i have a cooch or a dick other than reproductive reasons??? "well just go by they them pronouns then", it just doesnt feel right but at the same time it does, like ig im more comfy with they/them but at the same time im not??? yk what fuck it ill just go by he/she/they this is too complicated 4 me