I’m a simple man. I like pretty, dark-haired women and breakfast food. Any dog under 50 pounds is a cat, and cats are useless. I’ve cried twice in my life. Once when I was 7 and hit by a school bus. And then again when I heard that Li’l Sebastian had passed. When people get too chummy with me, I like to call them by the wrong name to let them know I don’t really care about them. The whole point of this country is if you want to eat garbage, balloon up to 600 pounds and die of a heart attack at 43, you can! You are free to do so. To me, that’s beautiful. I regret nothing. The end.

Tammy