dear diary, my GPA has dropped below 3. most of my grades contain Ds and Fs and well tbh i was expecting it. I havent done any school work these past weeks and if i did it was the simple easy tasks. But this week, ive done nothing. These assignments just arent worth it. Yes, i want to keep up my good grades but at the same time these assignments make it impossible to want to do them. they suck. Like they are actually so boring, they arent fun, i have no interest in them, which makes it really hard to want to do them.
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Dear Diary, I deactivated all my social media accs <3 I dont know when ill be back on them but i hope nobody is gonna need me for a bit. By that i mean i deactivated my discord, and my instagram, and i deleted tiktok, and snapchat as i dont know how to temperarily deactivate those. Im not even gonna sign into my other myspace account. I had a dream about me and my freinds going back to school together :D, it was nice for a second but then things got weird, well one of them passed out and didnt wake up and then they also started to look like different people, and some other things but i rather not say. I wonder if anybody actually reads these? Hi, if you do. I started my period yesterday, and im running oout of pads, which isnt very good as my mom will take weeks to go to the store and buy some more, we do have tampons, but idk how to use those, and my mom has never taught me anything about my period so im definetely not asking her. Everything i learned about being on i learned myself or got help from my freinds. and since i deleted all my social medias i cant really get any help.
// bye for now

dear diary, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
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i bought robux and it literally made me so happy for no reason ???? anyways i lost my mouse and i cant find it and its driving me crazyyyy. like im sure its under my bed but its so messy nd i dont feel like cleaning it lmao. i probably wont clean it.
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5/14/21
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dear diary, i finished my "state testing". it wasnt actually a state test tho, it was an iready diagnostic but o well. im stressing about highschool ALOT. like a few freinds of mine have already picked out their classes, and i still havent. its not cuz i dont want to, its cuz i havent gotten the email yet, or my mom just hasnt told me ive gotten the email. anyways, i woke up maybe 20 minutes ago? AND I HAD A SEX DREAM?$#@$@ like it wasnt w anybody i knew and i wasnt me. it was like a random hookup or something ???? tf lmaoo.
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Dear Diary, its starting to get warmer here, which means ants will be coming. Unfortunately they are already here. I have a hate/love relationship with the summertime, i love the warmth, but i dont like the burning heat, and i hate the bugs. because of the ants arriving to my room, it forces me to clean, and well i dont have the time nor the motivation for that. my depression corner and under my bed is what seems most of the ants are after. they have also made their way onto my bed. My mom never empties out the washing and drying machine tho. i have to completely rely on an unreliable person for clean laundry. Yes, i do the laundry myself, but its kind of hard to do when your mother never leaves it empty for you. Its not like shes using it. Shes not even home most of the time. I dont get why its so fucking hard for her to listen to me for once and stop filling up the dryer and washer machine when shes not using it.
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I bleached my hair yesterday. PS. it didn't turn out the way it was supposed to. Most of the color is still there and unfortunately i have no more color remover. God does have favorites, unfortunately im not one of them. I just hope the hair dye can cover it up. Speaking of that, ive been wanting to do raccoon tails, thing is i dont have two shades of the color i want to do, nor do i have my full head dyeable.
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I got my phone working again :D well kind of working again. i dont have data, i cant text or call or even use anything that needs an internet connection unless im connected to wifi. It also dies super fast and the only charger that works for it rn is my parents.
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Im still drowning in Schoolwork, and this graduation speech, which i will NOT be doing. Ik its part of an grade and its like the standard for my year but still, im not gonna write a speech to a school and to peers i dont even know nor do i like. i have nothing nice to say abt this school and the people in it.

Dear Diary, Im going to Pasadena today, its gonna be along day and i didnt get enough sleep for it. ill be stuck with my family for 8 hours, no wifi, no space.
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Since we are going to a park to bbq, ill also be having to eat in public /neg. My dad invited a family freind to come, which is okay ig, they are a few years younger than me but they are kind of well annoying. i painted my nails today and i showered, so thats something :D.
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We should be leaving anytime soon now. well ill talk to you later, bye bye.

Dear Diary, I took the 16 personalities test today, i got ISTP. We have a Substitute in class. I always hate the substitutes we get, the never talk. they just tell us what to do and then go on mute, they dont even teach us.
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This account is going to be fully anonymous for a bit, as i dont want my mutuals/freinds finding out about this.
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// small mention of eating/food
Im starting to think theres something wrong with me, health wise. i havent been to the doctor or had a physical in nearly 2 years. It hurts to eat, it hurts to not eat, its not a stomach ache, it cramps. Im "too" full, or im not "full" enough. Im always having pain in my ribs/ribcage, sometimes it hurts to breathe, sometimes i have heart pain.
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ive been so tried recently, too tired. im so exhausted, these past few weeks have just been yeah. Im drowning myself in missing and uncompleted assignments, only a couple months before end of year too. i tried, i really have. atleast i like to think ive tried. i feel like ive depended on my freinds so much these past weeks for hw answers. even now, trying to do some math hw. i dont think im gonna finish it in the deadline. its not hard its just tiring. Too tired to accomplish anyting but now tired enough to sleep.
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logging off, goodnight for now :]