Performance anxiety ruins it all.

So for any stranger reading this, hi!

im going to rant about my experience with performance anxiety. spoiler alert, it fcking sucks.

So on the great day of April 19th 2021 I had a math test (and kinda very important one), so like any "normal" person I studied for it like my life depended on it. I studied a week straight everyday for this test and by the end of the week I thought: "huh, I finally get it. I can finally be little confident in my knowledge of math!" The thing was that I really really hate tests with my whole heart, because I just cannot handle them (and especially math tests). So I arrived at my school just on time and I took my seat. I had another test before the math one so I was already shakey. I finish the first test and bc I have 10 whole minutes for myself, I go through the math stuff again so I don't forget it. I also took deep breaths bc at that point my fcking hands could not stay still. And so it's time. The papers are being handed out one by one and my heart rate is going up. So Nora, how did the test go? The test went absolute shit. It was a fcking shit show. And I even fcking expected that to happen. I started on the first question and already thought: "how tf do I do this again??" And that's how it went the whole test and fun fact: I almost cried during the test, AGAIN. But I couldn't bc people could see my face. Bc me and a few other people were still busy with the test, we got 10 extra minutes. Didn't fcking help, but yeah cool. Anyways after that I had another appointment with the school counsellor to talk about the whole performance anxiety thing. We talked about the test and I just told her that It went horrible. And the fact that I have to take all of the tests in a whole ass gymnasium does not help. I really tried, like I did everything I could, but tests do not go well with me mentally and physically.

It's 1 am as im writing this and im still so sad that it happened again.....anyways lemme know if u can relate to this or if u wanna hear more of my shit stories like this one!