so now that school finished two weeks ago for me i have nothing big left to focus on/stress about so i have all the free time in the world to get stuck inside my head. fun. Honestly, school made it pretty easy for me to ignore a lot of the things ive got going on. I mean, yeah, school did also create problems for me but damn i miss being distracted from all this.

Because I'm currently questioning my gender I was thinking that I should start trying out using some non-binary or trans masculine names to see if they make me feel happier and closer to who I really am.

Some names I've been thinking of recently are Kai and Ziek/Zeik but I wanted to see if there was one that i really felt connected to, so if you guys know of any names please could you comment them below?

I've really appreciated the lovely comments some of you have posted on my previous blog - they really made me feel a lot better about everything.

Thanks for all your help! <3

Context: i am currently questioning my gender because i currently feel i dont identify with my assigned gender at birth. My family know nothing about this other than that i used to have a massive tomboy phase.

So, me and my brother were talking about random stuff and my mum calls us over saying "boys, come here" (probably just a mistake or said for the sake of simplicity). Now, this made me quite happy as i really liked the way this sounded and i responded "ayyy, she accepts me as one of the boys" (i often joke about being trans to my family when situations like this occur as a way to tell them im currently questioning without actually telling them ya know?). Well that was all fine and dandy, my comment was just shrugged off as an odd joke but then i took it a step further than usual. I asked my mum if she "would still love me if i were a boy" (asked in a normal tone, not serious or joking) and her immediate facial reaction was a look of disgust which soon turned back to a more neutral facial expression. A silence lasted for a few more seconds (which at the time felt like a whole minute to me) before she said "well i know you're a girl so that doesn't matter" in a very dismissive, sort of annoyed or aggravated tone. I wasn't expecting her to be all "oh its fine, i love you no matter what" but the look of disgust on her face just hurt. i dont really know what i was expecting but just not that.

Ehhhh now this is all im going to be thinking about for days. ghdjshbd just as i was thinking about buying a binder to experiment with how i feel.

This list is as of 21/03/2021, I may forget to update it.
For a more detailed list, visit my MyAnimeList profile: https://myanimelist.net/animelist/Zebial?status=7
These are their names according to MyAnimeList.net
Feel free to give me any suggestions!

Currently watching:
Haikyuu!!
Horimiya
Hunter x Hunter

Watched:
Akagami no Shirayuki-hime
Akagami no Shirayuki-hime 2nd Season
Boku no Hero Academia
Boku no Hero Academia 2nd Season
Boku no Hero Academia 3rd Season
Fairy Tail (about 200 episodes i have no idea what season)
Hotarubi no Mori e
Karneval
Kimetsu no Yaiba Season 1
Kimi no Na wa.
Koe no Katachi
Magi: Sinbad no Bouken
Magi: The Kingdom of Magic
Magi: The Labyrinth of Magic
Majo no Takkyuubin
Mononoke Hime
Nagi no Asu kara
One Punch Man Season 1
Ookami Kodomo no Ame to Yuki
Satsuriku no Tenshi
Shigatsu wa Kimi no Uso
Shingeki no Kyojin Season 1
Shinryaku! Ika Musume
Sukitte Ii na yo.
Tamako Love Story
Tokyo Ghoul Season 1
Tonari no Totoro
Toradora!
Violet Evergarden
Violet Evergarden Gaiden: Eien to Jidou Shuki Ningyou
Yuri!!! on Ice
Zero no Tsukaima
Zero no Tsukaima: Futatsuki no Kishi

Anime on hold:
Akatsuki no Yona
BNA
Bungou Stray Dogs
Fugou Keiji: Balance:Unlimited
Kakuriyo no Yadomeshi
Kamisama Hajimemashita
Mahoutsukai no Yome
Overlord
Tokyo Ghoul √A
Tonari no Kaibutsu-kun

Plan to watch:
Ao Haru Ride
Danganronpa: Kibou no Gakuen to Zetsubou no Koukousei The Animation
Death Note
Dororo
Given
Great Pretender
Hyouka
Jujutsu Kaisen
Kimi no Suizou wo Tabetai
Kuroshitsuji
Mikakunin de Shinkoukei
No.6
Persona 5 the Animation
Sankarea
Shinsekai yori
Shokugeki no Souma: San no Sara - Tootsuki Ressha-hen
SK∞
Tenki no Ko
Tong Ling Fei
Violet Evergarden Movie
Yakusoku no Neverland
Yesterday wo Utatte
Yuri!!! on Ice The Movie: Ice Adolescence (Not Yet Aired)
Yuukoku no Moriarty

Currently reading:
Horimiya

Mangas read:
None yet completed

Plan to read:
Akatsuki no Yona
Haikyuu!!
Jujutsu Kaisen
Kamisama Hajimemashita
Kimetsu no Yaiba
Shingeki no Kyojin

I was originally going to do a pastel, light-themed profile but I messed up in putting one of the hexadecimal colour codes and it turned a dark red colour so I decided to go for something dark.
(It was also easier on my eyes as its 00:17 am for me).
I think I might keep this theme around for a while until I learn more CSS coding (i only know the basic stuff I was taught in school) but if anyone has any ideas for what my next theme should be let me know! (Also if you know any cool CSS coding let me know about that as well, I'm very inexperienced)
Goodbye for now!
p.s
I am an idiot who just spent the last 10 minutes being really confused about what error id made when trying to change the blog-posts background colour, I had done everything right except I had forgotten to put the # infront of the hexadecimal numbers so it wouldn't work. (◞‸◟；)