They said "I love you". I can't even express how happy they make me. I spend all my time with them, and I never got tired of doing just that. I've indulged myself into any interest they have, and I find myself loving everything I see. I am too inlove with them, but I don't plan on stopping myself. If the border was open I would probably be in the US more than here. The distance is frustrating, considering the river is all that separates us... Anyways, that's all I gotta say since I feel like I could just repeat myself at this point and end up not noticing. <3

SO WE ARE DATING NOW!!! What? I know it's kinda insane but a lot happens between posts that I don't get into but... I ASKED HER TO BE MY GIRLFRIEND AND SHE SAID YES!!! I'm so happy I have so many positive emotions!!! Sadly, the border is still closed but I just got my licensee so once it opens up I'm gonna go to her and give her the BIGGEST hug possible!!! <3
Idk how often I'll update but I post more if something major happens uwu

She came back after a few days. Her mom took her phone. A lot has happened since my last post... I told her I loved her, she got upset at me for stalking her on social media while she was gone, they told me they didn't like me anymore, then suddenly she said she loved me. When she said she loved me I was so happy and I felt so alive... Then it came crashing down. My partner asked them if they really loved me cause they knew that I was madly inlove with her, and she told my partner that they loved me as a friend... This is something I had no idea about. We had talked about being together again and that we would try and repair the chances at us being together after she was upset about me finding their social medias. Today I am unsure of what to do. I know I love her but should I just go and try to heal? I find it heartbreaking that she told me she loved me but without the context of friendship... I feel mislead and hurt. Nothing hinted at it being just friendship especially when I keep telling her how much I want to hold her hand and just kiss her pretty face. I feel like an idiot... This happens to often to me that I need to start being more careful with my feelings and stop telling someone when I fall so hard, even if I can't avoid my insane feelings. At least I have liquor to turn to during this sad time, but idk if my liver can handle it after my previous doctors visit when I was told my liver was failing. idk if I care anymore, I just want the pain to go away. I think todays the day when I let her go and tell her goodbye. Delete her on everything and let her find someone she actually loves and that loves her back the same way. Meanwhile, I have my partner to hold onto but I wish I wasn't so polyamorous so I could just be happy with where I'm at. I will prob not look for anyone for a while and just drown in my own sadness. This post probably sounds like a bunch of garbage and that I deserve this for being a dumb bitch but I want to vent my feelings somewhere, as I can't express them normally... Goodbye all my fantasies with you. No picnic in the cemetery by my place, no holding hands in public while I try to make you laugh at my jokes, no dancing in the rain to punk pop music, no cuddling and watching anime, no longer will I be able to rest my head on your lap while I watch you play video games... Goodbye.

I fell inlove with this girl who lives across the border from me. I'm gonna vent my feelings here cause... of reasons.
I was looking for someone on this dating app and I saw this beautiful girl who lived about an hour away from me(I'm in Canada, they are in the US). I liked her profile and to my surprise SHE LIKED ME BACK!!! (gay panic) We started taking and I instantly liked her a lot... When I fall for someone, I fall HARD. She was funny, nice, sweet, and like so many of the same things as me. We added each other on snapchat and would talk for the entire day. Before I knew it, I was head over heels for her. We began opening up about our past and I learned that she has been really hurt over her life by everyone around her... My heart broke for her. I wanted to just hold her in my arms and tell her everything was okay, but I couldn't. Her mother won't let her see anyone or leave the house without harassing her and she can't take it anymore.. On top of this, the border is closed for who knows how long. It breaks my hearts that I can't just see her...

The other night she told me a friend of hers got mad at her for talking to me, and I was worried that I wouldn't hear from her again... I haven't heard from her since. I fell inlove with her, and I never even got to say it. I didn't want to say it. I never even met her or called her... I'd seem crazy?

I asked her to move in with me after TWO DAYS cause I fell hard. Idk whats wrong with me. I felt like I was just pushing her away cause I'm literally crazy but she stayed... She stayed. Now, I feel like she's gone. I hope I hear from her again, and I hope I can see her one day... I fell inlove with her after no time at all and I may be an idiot but I wish I was honest with her. its nice to get my feelings out.

https://i.imgur.com/unx53jy.jpg

Are you a morning or night person?
Night!!
Are you afraid of the dark?
depends, im not scared if im in my own home c:
Are you an extrovert or introvert?
introvert!!
Are you double jointed?
uhhh idk
Are you left or right handed?
right handed!!
Are you more of a tidy person or a messy one?
messy :c I WANNA BE TIDY!!
Are you on time or always late?
I'm either really early or late >~<
Are you ticklish?
only in one place and its hard to do ;3
Can you curl your tongue?
I think??
Can you ice skate?
mhmm!!~
Can you wiggle your ears?
no :c
Coffee or tea?
coffee!! I think all tea is yucky >~<
Cookies, cake or donuts?
CAKE!!~
Did you ever participate in a talent show?
I signed up for one in 8th grade then chickened out and stayed home TT_TT
Did you go to prom?
N O P E
Did you like school?
I hated school but I kinda miss it now that im old
Do you believe in ghosts?
Nopeeee
Do you bite your nails?
sadly I do :c
Do you consider yourself a good cook?
I CANT COOK ANYTHING DSFOJSDNFIJSDNF
Do you enjoy dancing?
Not really...
Do you enjoy DIY or crafts?
I like watching them c:
Do you forgive easily?
I do... I shouldnt, but I do...
Do you have a nickname?
Marcie! <3
Do you have any allergies?
Mhmm!! Tree nuts, anything with fur, and dust!!
Do you have any phobias?
Equinophobia, thanatophobia, megalophobia, thanatophobia
Do you have any piercings or tattoos?
I have a tatttoo of a skull on my right forearm!! I also need to redo my snakebites cause theye closed up :c
Do you have children?
I have a son !! He's turning 3 soon!! He doesnt live with me but I see him every other weekend
Do you have pets?
I have 6 rats and 2 cats <3
Do you have siblings?
I have a lot of brothers, one of which died before I ever met him
Do you prefer dogs or cats?
BOTH!!
Do you prefer Mac or PC?
PC!!~ <3
Do you prefer the beach or the mountains?
beach ^~^
Do you prefer to bath or shower?
Shower!! I usually sit down anyways >~<
Do you sing in the shower?
nopeee
Do you smoke?
I used to!! i vape now ;3
Do you speak any different languages?
nu uh :c
Do you still have your wisdom teeth?
removed!!
Do you still watch cartoons?
mhmm!!~
Do you/have you played any sports?
nopeee
Does your name have a special meaning?
mhmm!! my mom always named her kids with MAR in the front along with her own name, so i decided to keep that going when I picked Marceline <3
Have you ever been hospitalized?
a lot >~<
Have you ever been on a diet?
I am rn!! I just lost 12 pounds and I'm trying to lose more!!
Have you ever been to a concert?
YES!!!
Have you ever gone camping?
MHMM~!~
Have you ever met any celebrities?
I met MattG124 a few times!! oh and LedaBunnie c:
Have you ever skipped class?
duhhh
Have you ever won something?
I won free magic cards once <3
Have you had braces?
mhmm!!
How are you feeling right now?
tired :c
How tall are you?
168cm!!`
If money were no object what would you get for your next birthday?
I'd want to pay off my moms loans and buy my parents each a home along with myself <3
If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?
JAPAN!!~~
Were you ever a scout or a brownie?
noooo
What city were you born in?
Nu uh!! >~<
What did you last eat?
Babybel Cheese :3
What did you want to be when you were younger?
A musician!!
What do you do on a typical Friday night?
Watch anime with Bee and play video games or do homework :3
What is one food that you refuse to eat?
PASTA >:c
What is one item on your bucket list?
visit Japan c:
What is one item you can’t live without?
INTERNET
What is your shoe size?
What movie have you watched repeatedly?
Scott Pilgrim vs The World
What phone do you have (Apple or Android)?
Samsung S10+ <3
What should you be doing right now?
My 3D modeling homework :c
What’s one goal you would like to accomplish this year?
Find someone to love me(besides Bee<3)
What’s one of your pet peeves?
Liars >:c
What’s the last song you’ve listened to?
I've Given Up