lil vent igs (tw cutting n pills)

anyways so b4 i met my bf i was like rlly bad with pills like idk it was just rlly bad and i would cut everyday and like try to od every week but i met my bf and he rlly helped me stop like the last time i cut and took pills was when we had a big fight and needed to take a break and i mean like i didnt do that on purpose to get him back i was in a really tough place but anyways im scared that imma break my promise to him and myself and cut and take pills again like i mean i probs not gonna take pills but im prob gonna cut like i really want to cut but i dont wanna hurt him yk idk what to do