im spillin' out

i love you. ill always love you. im sorry, honeybee

i really no longer want to continue on.

no i don't mean in the suicide sense, i just mean in the sense that life is ridiculous and i want no part in it. theres been alot going on in my life and i am not vibing anymore. i have a new parter and theyre sweet and the only one to keep being consistent in my life now. living sucks again and i hate it.

for reference, i got my heart broken by my best friend. i thought i'd have him for awhile but the drug addicted rat doesn't stop for anyone, nor does he actually care. when he left i had to leave the man i thought i'd actually marry because i couldn't feel anymore except when i was high or drunk and he's against any of that. everything hurts my heart.

i've been keeping my myspace as like a journal of sorts so i don't want pity, im just venting.

maybe ill be normal again soon.

okay the past few weeks have been absolutely insane for me and i havent been able to get on here quite as much. ive had friends over almost every weekend for 4 weeks now n we're having a get together tonight. its so odd being an adult and doing so much all of the time and its so odd having friends like this again. im so used to it just being my boyfriend and i and our one other friend only hanging out every 2 weeks that its weird to have this many friends over. its very pleasant for sure.

what's yalls favorite gifts or things you've done over this holiday? i havent gotten to open any of mine quite yet and ive just been working so i'd love to hear how everyone else is celebrating their holidays!

love you all :)
-Matthew Thenewtz

i honestly really like the blog function because i could write literally anything i want i just never know what to say lmao
uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh look at this https://64.media.tumblr.com/2e691de18fcd54cbff17d197cdf3776d/tumblr_inline_prf8ko07XL1ufu90b_500.png
anyway thank you for your time ill delete this later

"Are you sure your eyes don't sparkle in light?
Are you saying that you're not completely there.
I can still feel you when it's getting closer to night
It's still a shame I can't run my fingers through your hair

All the glistening of my saddened little tears,
As I realize you're too far away my dear.

But I'll pick you flowers when there's flowers in the spring.
And I'll hold you closer when no one else is listening
I'll always be here, always be

Love is not the distance of the roads apart
It's not how I feel when the rain comes pouring down on me.
I know that you're with me dear as I love and then regret
Not being there
But I'll still be waiting here for you

Colors, light, dark at night
But who in their right mind would get high
On fresh breeze and bees sting
When I would rather get high off of you

The hours never separate
The days I spent just thinking of your face
And all of you, oh, oh.

Love is not the distance of the roads apart
It's not how I feel when the rain comes pouring down on me.
I know that you're with me dear as I love and then regret
Not being there
But I'll still be waiting here for you

I know it gets hard with me
But promise me you will not leave
Please know that you're just enough, just enough for me

I love you, but do you love me too?

Love is not the distance of the roads apart
It's not how I feel when the rain comes pouring down on me.
I know that you're with me dear as I love and then regret
Not being there
But I'll still be waiting here for you."

https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1VdqeyJmnMnJiv362IqLSGZrc1sUFXhqh?usp=sharing

these songs are in their "beta" phase and i desperately need an outside opinion

https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1I0sEGHIM-kJ19_DFBI20g-gTDBGfh8GfipTq_3rnHCs/edit?usp=sharing

this is the anon form that can be filled out to tell me how you feel!

hello! i know i have most everything in my blurb but i wanted to extend my bio a bit
I am matthew, an 18 yr old trans man who is a creator of sorts. I write music, cosplay, draw, sing, and a plethora of other things :) my music is very inspired by flatsound, cavetown, and scruffpuppie. most of my art dating back to 2014(?) at the earliest is here: https://www.deviantart.com/thenewtz also i'm absolutely loving seeing just how creative everyone is w their pages! that makes me very happy! i currently have no direction in my life (i dropped out of college last month, turns out that i dont actually wanna be a band teacher) so im trying to find one. I am pansexual but am very happily in love with my boyfriend. I'm slightly awkward (i am severely socially anxious) but i'd be more than happy to try to talk. I try to be friendly even though i'm scared!

I'll post the link to my newest music in my next blog post! its in its demo phase and i would absolutely love it if i got some feedback on how to improve my music before i go record it in my studio