childhood

every year i get older, the heavier my childhood weighs on me. while i wish i could say i was forced to grow up because of this or that, the truth is simply that i can't even remember it. the idea of growing up feels wrong when i don't even know what i grew from. is a plant still a plant if it was never a seed? i can't remember my birthday parties. i can't remember playing with toys. i must have had some, right? don't all kids?