just logged back into here god i miss when everything felt like a strange dystopian novelty at most and not like the entire world was falling into pieces

anyway ummmmm have a nice day <3

[[[[[[[[no one is reading this]]]]]]]]

song 4 the day ^^
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rA3VDd79ZW8

tw for: death, grieving //

i never really post on here but i wanted somewhere to vent/be Sad abt this where people don't rly know who i am lmfao. i enjoy the anonymity sometimes - it's weirdly comforting???

anyways today is the five-year anniversary of the death of one of my favourite broadway/off-broadway actors + singers, joshua park. hear me out -- i KNOW it seems silly to grieve the death of a person i never even knew personally, but his work (particularly his role in the off-broadway musical prodigal) is so dear to me that his passing really weighs on me sometimes. prodigal is a real comfort musical for me, it's always been especially pertinent to my life/situation and josh's portrayal of luke, the lead character, is something that's alway brought me joy and comfort. the score for that show has become somewhat of an emotional crutch for me of late as a lot is going on for me that i'm finding a little hard to process, and prodigal is my go-to source of motivation and comfort. i acknowledge the fact that it's not perfect but....i just.. love it a lot.

i've been thinking about josh a lot today. he was so incredibly talented and, by testament of a lot of his friends and people he worked with, a really sweet guy in real life. he was only 38 when he died, and it kills me a little that he never really got the recognition he deserved for his talent (and jesus, was he talented). no productions that he starred in ever really took off; prodigal closed after a few weeks and the adventures of tom sawyer did too, and neither did particularly well with the critics (i'm not a huge fan of the tom sawyer score myself, but josh and his castmates did a really great job with what they were given nonetheless and a lot of the reviews were unnecessarily harsh). josh had a beautiful voice and i remain of the opinion that if prodigal had happened at a different time and place somehow, it might just have gotten him the attention he deserved.

i don't even know where i'm going with this post at this point, i just felt like i needed to shout about my love for josh somewhere. i've been feeling pretty...despondent?? empty??? horrifyingly unhappy???? all day and i have a lot of emotions i don't really know what to do with. it feels...pretty weird to almsot 'miss' someone you never even knew but, here, here we are, apparently. i just wish i'd gotten to see him perform live when he was alive.

i hope he's doing alright.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eiqER85IEzM