sad

hey guys i really like this amazing girl from Russia. shes everything ive ever wanted, but she wont talk to me she has this big team of people who spend time with her and take pictures of her and help her. and it makes me feel so worthless, but thats nothing new ive been sad sience for ever even before jake hung him self in 7th grade.shes so beautiful it makes me cry. i really cried so hard she turns 18 soon and i want to meet her and ask her to marry me but i have no real way of doing it becase her friends wont help me.i was actively trying to commit suicide for most of the past year and all i want to to hold her in my arms. she was sucideal as well but i think she is doing better. she has the most beautful arms and legs and the sweetest little face. she has the prettiest up turned nose and cute little chin. her hands look so sweet like a summer ice cream. and she smokes! its been almost 4 years sience ive stumbled apon her acount and shes talked to me once on valintines day 2018 i said happy valinitines day and she sent me 3 hearts. and a few months a go she tooks some love songs from my playlist and put them on hers. i dont know what to do anymore