alkfdja vent (tw: sewer slide)

I am so fucking frustrated. Not because of anything but because I can barely take care of myself and all my friends are depressed so that makes me depressed cause I try to help them and they just shut me down. WTF am I even supposed to fucking do when my friends all want to fucking kys. I might as well fucking go with them cause I have no other friends. Making friends irl is hard when you barely go out. I want to go out. But I can't cause I have nothing. Ik complaining is useless but when everyone else is just as sad or worse than you, you cant fucking go to them cause if you do it'll just make everything worse. Not only that but my birth giver has done nothing but sit around all day when we got shit to fucking do. She even said she got shit to do and we made a plan and we were ready for life but nooooooooo. God I fucking hate everything. Especially myself. I doubt everything I do to not hurt those that are dear to me, in turn hurting myself by keeping everything in. But it doesn't even matter if they're all going to die young anyways. I'm tired of having everyone I love hurt just because they are existing. I don't want them to hurt.