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life has been going great lately, i finally got the opportunity to be with the only person i care about on october 31st. so yes, not only did i fall in love in october but OUR ANNIVERSARY WOULD BE ON HALLOWEENFBNHDHF. shes one of the like 4 people i keep in constant contact with, and i am perfectly content with just that. life has been great in my opinion, but of course theres always the dreadful real world, im losing people in my life over petty disagreements left and right, and my mom and dad both agonize me, no matter how far my father is, he even finds a way to. my mom has just taken all of my money along with both of my phones now, i have zero contact with my girlfriend and im in constant fear of my mom going through my phone, and me ending up being out to her before im comfortable with doing so. im deathly afraid of her taking all my contact away from the one person keeping me sane, the one keeping me happy. im afraid. i dont wanna feel lonely again. im so scared of falling deeper into this endless pit i jumped into. i finally got the chance to be happy and it took completely neglecting and ignoring "priorities" that wont matter in 10 years anyways, considering the likelihood of me even being alive by then, and now im being punished for that. im so so tired of being treated this way by my parents, both of them. i feel like im just a pawn to my father, and just an expense and nuisance that was meant to be a trophy to my mom. ive been 3 weeks clean, i dont want that to change. i dont i dont i dont i dont i dont. i dont want it to. im trying my hardest, i was planning on posting a happy blog about how good my life has been going until half an hour ago. my mom has been blaming me for every inconvenience in HER life and im afraid shes gonna snap even though the only thing genuinely deteriorating is MY mental health.im so so so done with this life. i want an escape without hurting anyone, what will even happen if i die? please dont respond to this, im very overwhelmed and i just need a place to let this out for now. please understand this is the only coping i have and respect that. i love you all.