vent

sorry i just need to vent, there will probably be alot of errors..

it hurts so much
it hurts to see them offline so much
i know they're hanging out with other people and i want to be happy for them bur i can't get myself to

i feel so toxic sometimes, i should be happy for her, not be anxious that she'll leave me
can i really be blamed tho? she's my FP, the only thing thats keeping me motivated and im fucking everything up by being a jerk

why does it hurt so much when they hang out with other friends? we used to talk to much.. now im lucky if i even get a reply back under 2 hours..

i know that they still like me, they dont hate me and i hate having to ask for reasurance over and over again because i feel like scratching my skin off whenever i see them online and im not even left on read

not like i deserve anything better anyways. im just wasting her time
not like we can ever be a couple! she probably despises me..

am i a creep? i feel sick of myself, i cant help but feel jealous

..

im sorry
im sorry im trying to get better but i cant talk to anyone and i am so fucking close to snapping but i dont want to make her upset or make her think i dont want her to have any friends

...
im sorry.