I'm just out of psych ward tw suicide

hi i have to go back to school tomorrow i feel like i'm just an huge failure and i'm between moments of "idgaf i don't need school anyway" and "i'm a fucking mistake i should have commited unalive long ago". Going back to school even after missing 3 weeks and spending the 2 weeks vacations in a mental hospital is kinda hard,even if the excuse seem legit and valid i just think i'm a fraud. Maybe i'm depressed and that's why i fail everything and everyone but peraps i'm just a lazy son of a bitch. I feel like shit, i need to transcend my obligations to achieve a better may of living but everybody knows i'm too dumb to do anything , whether this or just succeding at school. It did nothing expect coming out to my family, i'm as miserable as before, as empty as before, this emptyness i curse because in any way again i feel like i want to kill myself or someone, or doing shit until it takes my life. And yet, i have social and academic obligation even if i already am a failure. April 23rd is my birthday, i'll be 17, yet i always thought i'll die before my 13th birthday. It's not this long ago but i'm still a child even if i lived like a piece of shit during almost 10 years. I'm wasting it and i cannot take my loved ones guilty for secretly hating me. Anyway, i'm officially mentally ill.