Tired TW

GOD, I am so tired of living this life honestly feels like I am just living the same day over and over again. Every time I lay in my bed I can feel my mood change and feel this sort of nostalgia of my life before I moved. I Truly think I might go back to self-harming it's almost like that's what kept me alive. I am trying to change and evolve to be a better person but it only lasts for so long and people, work, family it all becomes a hassle. I can't even sleep at this point from how drained and overwhelmed I am. It's selfish sure to want to kys but at this point why live a life that u can't even enjoy or tolerate. Wouldn't another choice make sense? I hate myself and the people I try and keep in my life that doesn't do anything for me. I invite people into my life to fix the hole of my loneliness and it only contains itself for about a day then I'm hunting again. Maybe my life would have been different if I didn't make these choices, I wish I could see myself in another light. I am constantly getting words of guilt and pity. Go outside, talk to your friends, do what you love, spend time with me. I can't do this anymore, I'm sorry...