i messed up..

oh my god, i messed up, i feel like a totally asshole and jerk, im so dumb, i messed up my one and only chance to fix my friendship with this girl and fucked it up, now we're not friends and i feel like trash, i dont understand why i have to be such an idiot all the time, i wish i could just shut up, im so dumb, i hate it, i hate it, i hate it, im such a fool. i love her so much but i cannot fix what has been done, i ended our friendship thats been going on for a strong 4 years but what i had said and did was such a stupid move, oh my god, please i just want her back but i cant, she built walls and i dont think i can get through those walls, it took my months to get through them and actually know her but now, she cant even trust me with her emotions, im such a dick to all my good and non toxic friends, why, why me? why did i have to be the idiot? i feel like totally shit because she ignored me for weeks and never told me why she was mad but 2day i did, oh my god, am i a complete ass, im so dumb, i miss her so much tho, but whats been done cant be undone. i feel sick, im so done with myself, i do this every damn time, oh my god, please, why me? why? why? why? whatever im just an idiot