Transparency and peacefulness

I believed that I am the person who shares all of her emotions and feelings, not hiding or under-evaluating any. But lately I've been catching myself in hiding whatever heavy stuff I feel. For a moment I got really scared, what if there's no one I can be truly honest with, I am still scared to unveil that maybe it's the real truth. However, without this fear I wouldn't even realize that I need someone to trust and to tell everything, even the unpleasant, big and complicated emotions. It may take a while, since in real life I'm not exactly contacting with anyone except my family. And I do, indeed, get confused if I even should meet new people. Because I think that my mom won't like me meeting anyone from the internet, also I'm scared of acting irresponsible trough the lens of pandemic, since meeting someone is a big risk. Though, all this fear won't solve my loneliness and growing apartness from others. I believe no one except myself is able to find the approximates of the answer, notwithstanding all of my conflicting emotions may intrude.
Now I say goodbye to you, till the next time