just learned about toe wrestling from josh hawley_ I'm rooting for the los rangelas clippers!

guys i have been evicted form ted cruz's office. going to josh hawleys now

guys ted cruz has a problem he wont let me eat hi s whipped cheese even when I said I voted for him

i have escaped the pentagon with the help of a money and a screwdriver. i am hiding in Ted cruz's office. good lord, there are so many AOC feet pics in here

my uber driver turned out to be an fbi agent. i am now in custody and being transported i=to Washington DC. please help

UPDATE: i have sucessfully escaped from jake paul''s basement. i am now hiding in a crackhouse in northern los Angeles and waiting for my uber. i have contacted my lawyer about jake's treatment of me while I was staying at his house. i will be seeing him for 12,543,667,321,456 dollars. p[ay up kid!

better then your previous $0 worth

i snuck upstairs to get toilet paper and I saw a report from USA today cool news! I'm wanted for $15! wow!

guys good news i found a loaf of stale bread I wriggled it out of the mouth of a rat, but most of it is still edible. I'm hoping to escape tomorrow when jake is filming his next vlog

my girlfreind Dexterirederentnene Vlodosopksaijsinbkan broke up with me. don't hmu, freinds never last </3 i will miss sucking ur toes

my supid step dad called. i said he smelled. ha! gotch a there old man! #burn #roasted #iamontherunpleasehelpiamstuckwithjakepaulpleasehelp

jake paul is being mean to me. he says I m not allowed to have intercourse with his girlfrewind even when he's out of the house

nathaniel no

mmmmmmmm nathaniel sure was delicious! i hope i can find more exotic bird breeds

left the house for the first time in a year. went to the horse shop and baught a horse. i named him Nathaniel and he is very sweet. we are having him for dinner

good news! i have graduated 2nd grade after 5 failed attempts! harvard, here I come !

my stupid step dad took away my x box 360. don't hmu sad face

my last name is Vorvostengardenuntergundervorstiikvosnteekvlodiclivefifeslumkinhoger

the doctor says i can go back to school to morrow. i hope i see the hot teacher

good news wben the doctor fixed my pp he said he could make it longer! it's now a humble 52 inches, an increase over my previous 1.2

im at the hospital

my stepdad says tht it's not supposed to be bent

guys i think something is wrong with my pp

you know when you fall down the stairs and your pp gets bent

have played tony hawk pro skater 69 for 7 hours now. am very unsatisfied. rthere were no radiator repairs or canker sores. i am immesureably ruined and my life absolutely eoin ishsuai buo ioeheabnw4i'opu[gr80e9bupn4we

dave mustain

omfg keith

you know, when i look back on my early childhood in eastern Russia, I always remember the mornings. they were very fun becuaee i could eat all the fish I wanted. nom nom nom nom i went. mmmmmmmmmm fish. the raw kind. cooking the fish isn't as good ads the og version. mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

just bought tony hawk pro skater 69. look. forewards to playing it! i cant wayt to do my epic 360 noscopes!

keith please

just got back from canker sore enthusiasts convention 2021! met many fellow canker sore enthusiasts including the lovely Dexterirederentnene Vlodosopksaijsinbkan, who I went on a date with afterwards. i look forwards to sucking her toes

hot

Thanks 4 the add!