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Phlegmentine

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Agender
16 years old
Australia
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Phlegmentine's blurbs

About me:

Red Riding Hood, you probably know the story.

But there's more to every tale than meets the eye.

It's just like they always say, you can't judge a book by its cover.

If you want to know the truth, you've gotta flip through the pages.

Granny!

It's me, Red!

Is everything okay?

Oh, yeah, sure thing. Come on in.

What?

  • Who are you? - I'm your grandma.

Your face looks really weird, Granny.

I've been sick. I...

Your mouth doesn't move when you talk.

Plastic surgery. Grandma's had a little work done.

Now, come on over here. Let's... have a look at you.

So, what's goin' on, Grandma?

This and that, doing a lot of quilting.

So, you got the loot?

Whoa. What big hands you have.

Oh, all the better to scratch my back with.

  • And what big ears you have! - All the better to hear your...

...many criticisms!

Old people just have big ears, dear.

And Granny, what big eyes you have!

Are we just gonna sit around here and talk about how big I'm gettin'?

You came here for a reason, didn't ya? So tell old Granny what you got in the basket!

Ah! Granny! What bad breath you have!

  • All right! - Ah!

You again? What do I have to do, get a restraining order?

Settle down, little girl. I'm on to you.

  • Hai-ya! - Save it, Red Fu.

You been dodgin' me all day, but now you might as well give up.

Ahh!

Ha!

You crazy wolf! What have you done with Granny?

I'm taking Granny down, and you're next!

  • Granny! - It's you! But you...

    Chief Grizzly, are the suspects

  • connected with the Goody Bandit? - Yeah, uh...

No. Don't print that, Maxine. We don't know anything yet.

Is the house made of gingerbread?

  • Don't think so. - Do bears eat gingerbread?

That's enough with the questions. Jerry, come on! Get these people back!

All right, back it up! Let the chief do his job!

Come on, you, with the feathers, back behind the snake.

I just want to go home and hibernate.

  • Bill! - Chief!

  • All right, what do we got? - It's a domestic disturbance.

Breaking and entering, wielding an ax without a license, intent to eat.

I get it. Any connection with the recipe robberies?

You mean the Goody Bandit? Could be. The house belongs to Granny Puckett.

  • The cookbook lady? - Yeah, that's the one.

    Hmm.

OK, Paul Bunyan was swinging the ax, and Wolfie was trying to eat Lil' Bit.

  • All right, get a muzzle on that guy. - I can explain everything.

You can explain it to the judge.

  • Shouldn't you be in school? - Shouldn't I have a lawyer?

Uh... What are you doing?

  • Hey. We was just... - I was just smelling it.

  • Don't eat that. That's evidence. - Right.

All right, so this looks pretty open-and-shut.

Little Miss Rosy Cakes making covert deliveries to the goody tycoon,

Wolfie tries to eat 'em both,

then Crazy Flannel Pants with the ax here busts in swinging vigilante-style.

Take 'em downtown, boys.

It's the woods, chief. We don't have a downtown.

You know what I mean. Just book 'em!

Not so fast, Grizzly.

That's the problem with you bears, always growling up the wrong tree.

  • Hey, Nicky! - You on the case, Nick?

No, just stopping by to have a sarsaparilla.

Say, Tommy, you lose some weight?

  • Uh, no. - Didn't think so.

Nicky Flippers. What are you doing here? This is my case.

Well, someone hibernated on the wrong side of the cave.

I saw the lights, thought the circus was in town.

Now, of course, I see I was right.

You're too late, Nicky. I got this case all wrapped up.

  • Is that right? - Yeah.

    They got us all wrong, Mr. Flippers.

Oh, I don't know, you look pretty dangerous to me.

  • What's your name? - Red.

  • And why do they call you that? - Why do they call you "Flippers"?

Go Flippers

  • Jump! Get on! - Go Flippers

Go Flippers Go Flippers

    • Uh, no reason.

They call me Red because of this red hood I wear.

  • What about when you're not wearing it? - I usually wear it.

Recipes have come up missing all over the forest.

Goody shops have been going out of business for months,

and the trail ends here. I got a case to close.

Slow down, chief. We've got four suspects, and that means four stories,

and if you get people talking long enough, someone will spill the beans.

  • Beans? - Could I just make a quick phone call?

Aaah!

I'll tell you what happened.

What's with the handcuffs on a girl? Her wrists could slip right out.

  • How about a cage? - Bring in the cage!

  • I was being sarcastic. - Sarcasm. Strike the cage.

All right, get the cuffs off her.

So, Red, why don't you explain how this all began?

Well, like any other day.

I was making deliveries for my Granny's goody shop.

@ Ba ba ba-da-ba-da

@ Ba ba

@ Ba ba ba ba

@ Ba ba ba

@ Here's a story I hope

@ You'll like

@ It's the one about the girl riding on her bike

  • @ I know - Hi, Red!

@ It's a tired old tale but it still rings true

  • Hey, Red. - @ She could never be rude

  • @ Or unkind - Hey!

@ But a sad song played at the back of her mind

@ Oh

@ Can someone show me a different day

@ To take me away

@ Take me out of the woods

@ Great big world

@ You know what I'm wanting for you

@ You know what I'm wanting for you

@ What I'm wanting for you

@ Wanting for you

Ahh!

@ Oh @@

Hey, Red!

Oh! Nice outfit. Always red with you.

  • You must be in autumn. - Hey, Boingo.

Aren't you helpin' the Muffin Man today?

Oh, he closed up shop. Someone took all his recipes last night,

and now I'm out of a job.

Gee, Boingo, I'm really sorry. Are you still running the cable car?

Yeah. Yeah, I am.

But it's nothin' like makin' goodies all day, I'll tell ya that.

Would a carrot crumpet make you feel better?

Oh, boy, oh, boy! Thanks, Red. I can always count on you to deliver,

you little rascally devil.

Yeah, well, the woods don't go around by themselves.

Shut it down.

  • Come on, let's go. - Where are we going now, Mama?

    With the Goody Bandit on the loose,

recipes were becoming an endangered species.

I decided to call Granny.

If anyone would know what to do, she would.

I don't know what to do. I'm just a tired old lady.

Your recipes are the most famous in the whole forest, Granny.

What if they get swiped? It could wipe you out.

Maybe I should bring you the recipe book, for safekeeping.

A trip up the mountain is too dangerous for a little girl.

I'm not so little anymore.

Please, dear, you just keep the recipes there, and everything will be fine.

  • But... - I have to go now. My program's on.

  • Kisses. -

What you reading, Red?

"Far Away Places"?

  • Are you going somewhere far away? - No. The world is too dangerous.

Can't see! Danger! Turn into the skid!

I'm OK. I'll walk it off.

You can't go away. Who's gonna ride the Goody Bike?

If I had wings like you, I'd fly all the way past that mountain,

and the next one and the next one...

But I can't. I'm just a kid.

I'm just a woodpecker.

    • Uh-oh.

    "You're next"?

What... what does it mean, "you're next"?

Ruined.

It means someone wants our recipes.

Are they gonna get your recipes?

Not today.

So you deliberately took your Granny's recipes

from the family vault, without permission.

  • Help yourself. - And then,

you set out on a dangerous journey up the mountain...

...alone? - Yeah. I guess I did.

@ Critters have feelings

@ Well, critters have feelings

@ Critters have feelings

@ Well, critters have feelings too

@ Critters have feelings Critters have feelings

I guess running the cable car's not so bad, you know.

It's a great way to see the forest without worrying about all those big,

mean, hairy beasts out there.

  • Beasts? - Oh, yeah, you know, beasts.

The wolves and the bobcats and the mountain lions

and the saber-tooth tigers! But mostly wolves.

  • Mostly wolves. -

The forest can be a dangerous place for a little guy like me, with my cute...

Look at me, I'm fuzzy... You deliver up this far?

Well, not usually.

But I was thinking about what you told me earlier.

About the Muffin Man?

I need to protect Granny's recipes from that Bandit's evil plan.

They're gonna shut down everyone in the forest if we're not careful.

Aaah! Aah! Aah!

  • No! - Aaah!

Ohh!

Aah! Whoa! Ohh!

Aaah!

    • 'Afternoon.

Hello.

So you're the little girl in the red hood.

That was quite a bit of falling you did just now.

  • You saw that. - Yeah, gravity's working.

Those old cable cars on the... You should write a letter.

Wow! Something smells good. Those, uh... goodies in there?

I'm not supposed to talk to strangers.

No, you shouldn't. Good call.

What are you doing in the big, bad forest?

You taking the goodies to someone in particular?

  • Um... my granny. - Granny?

Granny Puckett? The goody lady?

My goodness, she makes some good... goodies.

She's got a thing, it's like a... It's like a... cookies.

Shortbread, chocolate icing between, very...

It's good. Ah, it's very good.

You make deliveries to your granny often?

I don't think I should tell you that.

Oh, you don't have anything else in that?

You ask a lot of questions, mister.

Well, I'm a curious guy. Let me have a look.

I'd rather you didn't.

Red! Red Riding Hood!

Hand over the basket.

Aaah!

Red!

You can't hold onto those recipes forever!

I'll get you, and your little Granny too!

Well, that settles it.

  • We got our Bandit. - Could be.

I'd like to count my chickens

Who I'd like to meet:

your mother

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Tom
1613265336000

Thanks 4 the add!

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