FUCK SCHOOL & FUCK HOMOPHOBES (part

ive been feeling so bored as of late
today i got my hair cut for the second time in 2 weeks. my bangs turned out horrible the first time so i got them redone today. im so much happier with the result THANK GOD

i havent felt stressed or nervous in so long, but realising that i have little over a month until school is scaring the shit out of me. i realised yesterday that going back means going back to all the homophobic assholes. is it really too much to ask to not be called the f slur for no reason? ive tried being outspoken against this shit a few years ago, but people hate me even more. my school loves to preach how inclusive they are but they really dont give a fuck when shit like this happens. all of it is just affirmation bias, there's nobody to tell these overly-religious bigots that they might be wrong. in addition to this, the ONE teacher that was an actually decent ally is leaving. fuck!!!!!!!!!! fuck!!!!!!!! fuck!!!!!!!

im realising that no matter how hard i try to be likeable, personality or appearance-wise, to most people here ill always just be that twisted, sinful girl who likes girls, and doesnt take the shit she gets for it. nothing else matters because thats my entire value as a human being to them. and the best part? i was fucking OUTED

i think im only realising now how much this affects me. i come across as "chill" and like i dont care about it, but i think i have a lot of issues because of it. i still find it uncomfortable to talk about my identity to even my parents, who accept me fully. shit, they still think im a lesbian (i told them that because i also thought i was up until recently). in fact, barely anyone knows that im bisexual. i guess this could be an advantage; if a homophobe tries to ask me if the "lesbian rumours" are true, i can say no and that would be the truth.

its even harder when youre single asf and going through all of this. the most romance ive ever gotten was one date i went on two years ago with a girl i barely liked (awkward as hell, never again) and a month-long relationship i had with a girl i met on twitter. really wish i had a gf, just to feel like going through all of this pain and bigotry would be worth it in the end, since id have someone to love. im apprehensive to even attempt anything with boys, because most of the ones i know would rather see me dead than with a girl. its just too risky.

the internet has made me too comfortable with myself. i kind of just forgot homophobia exists?? i think thats why this realisation is hitting me so hard. having a supportive (immediate) family is great and all, but it really sucks going into the real world and remembering a lot of people dont believe i deserve basic human rights.

ill probably continue this in a part 2, if ur interested~