a little rant i suppose

hiiiii ! i hope everyone is okay, i know i am <3 i've not logged on to here for a while, mainly because i no longer have the time :( my life feels so hectic at the moment and my school work is so overwhelming. i procrastinate most of the time but i'm also the sort of person who if they don't do the work they stress out and cry ;D it's probably one of the things i like least about myself, not like there's much to like anyways. Anyways i've recently started daily mindfullness because over the past few weeks i've slowly felt myself slipping. There hasn't been any reason for this as such, i think it's just the cold weather and being stuck inside alone all the damn time. But it's fine - i have a great group of friends who comfort me when im in any mood - even when im at my happiest/lowest points. But yeah, i'm so grateful for them all and it's nice to have people who clearly care for once. i don't know why i'm spilling all of this out on to myspace93 blogs lol but i've started so i might as well finish. I'm currently doing ok but without my friends i don't think i would be. They're the reason i'm alive and i depend on them (probably too much). I hate feeling like this. I go from so happy at points in the day right down to times when i could easily say i'm at my lowest. I think the worse part is being down for no reason you know? I've been happy all week and i've been really proud of myself for it. This daily mindfullness thing has deffo helped keep me somewhat sane going into another lockdown where i live. I still have that gut feeling of anxiety and that something is wrong but i need to learn try and ignore it and i've been doing a good job of that this past week. I've been reading a lot also which i find to be a great distraction. I've been taking pride in the fact that this past week i've allowed myself to be proud of myself without it feeling selfish for me to do so. Anyways, i went on a little tangent there but it felt good <3 I don't expect anyone to comment and would prefer if they didn't only because this felt like a little rant/goal that i've set for myself which is that i need to keep this version of me up :) it's all going to get easier and i know that. I just need to accept that sometimes i'll be sad but that's alright.

i love u, thank u for reading if u did ;D

-K