I WISH I COULD BE AN ACADEMIC LIKE EVERYONE EXPECTS. INSTEAD I AM VIOLENTLY AWARE OF MY LACK OF KNOWLEDGE AND MOTIVATION COMPARED TO PEOPLE MORE CAPABLE THAN I. THE ONLY ONES I CAN EXPLAIN THIS TO HAVE THE SAME PROBLEMS THAT I DO AND DO NOT SEE THE ATROCITY OF SITUATION. THEY THINK THAT EVERYONE SEES THE WORLD THE SAME AS THEY AND I DO. I KNOW THE TRUTH. I KNOW THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN THESE SCHOLARS AND MYSELF. I ONLY WONDER HOW LONG BEFORE THEY FIND OUT THE TRUTH AS WELL.