:(

since im pretty sure no one is gonna see it if i put it here
i dont think i ever had a fried who legitimately cared about me
pretty much just jeremy and ryan are the only ones who care about my wellbeing
i can talk about it all i want, nobody listens or cares enough to involve themselves
its not that that hurts me, its that they claim they do.
even making music isnt really making me happy anymore. every day is the same benign slog top to bottom with no actual happiness.
i was happy between about june-august 2019 and thats pretty much it
i never had school friends
past grade school i stopped doing well
i never seeked help with any of my emotions.
i never know what to do with myself.
i really feel desensitized and numbed to all positive emotions and i hate it.
theres nothing more i want than to go back to being truly happy again.
i feel completely unwanted and objectified.
i just realized that i dont think i can derive happiness from anything anymore.
i really hope that changes soon.