vents/rants idk
ill just vent here and stuff but ill put tw's
(If there's typos or it just doesn't make sense its a vent 4 a reason so plz just dw abt it / ignore it please).
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!! TW: cussing, SH, $u1c143 !!
uhnmhgbfhvbckdcm Im so worried abt school rn its not even funny. The new quarter starts tomorrow and im doing pretty fucking terrible atm. Im not failing but my grades have literally never been this low in my entire life /srs And if i dont get them up my grandma is going 2 just get mad at me and my dad will probably take my phone and yell at me even more hahsjejrvfdn i dont know what 2 do anymore i havent even been drawing or playing video games as much bc of how just unmotivated i am. I just miss waylon so much i know that already happened and whatever its just hard 4 me 2 deal w ig. Idk lol just trying not to mess up bc then every1 will hate me lmao. Its just getting si hard again and nobody even realizes anymore bc they think im doing better but its getting so much worse. My art grade literally went from like 78 to a 38 overnight /srs and i have a c in science even though i do all the work in science and its easy????? then math is just fuckin stupid and my god damn teacher sucks at grading and i hate the way he teaches its so hard to understand when he teaches we have another teacher in our class bc of how many ppl there r in my class and he always tells the main teacher like hey i dont think they can do this yet and he just says i think they can and ignores him bc he "believes in us" then he goes on to explain and then i get confused and behind like always. I hate school and myself so much ojfznfmbdusjznkbzvfdjxk Ive really thought abt just giving up recently on everything bc theres no point anymore everybody i know irl is disappointed in me. Ive been clean from SH for 10 weeks now but its not even for myself its just so they wont yell at me or send me to a hospital, I could care less if i c/t myself. And one day everybody is going 2 b gone bc they eother died or left me like everybody else that i tend to become friends with so nobodys going 2 b there 2 stop me so whats the fucking point anymore. Im going 2 relapse sooner or later. Just wish i had more of a reason not to but i rlly dont care abt myself at all so it would b vry hard 4 me to do this for me or whatever.
4/3
lmao i just took pictures of waylon off my wall that my bed is against and it kinda caused a small mental breakdown. I know that sounds dumb but it really upset me and i was going through my drawer to just distract myself and i found the note my grandma left 4 me on my bed whenever she went to the hospital 2 get her surgery (she had cancer :( ) and it just reminded me of everything hjdgb this is rlly dumb i probably shouldnt have gotten so upset abt it idk srry lol.