losing myself again

well,me and a dear (ex)friend of mine stoped talking about 2 weeks ago. i am not feeling bad about it(meh, he was an asshole that doesn't like my taste on men) but it made me go down a spiral. i started playing genshin impact for like 8 hours(?) per day and my brain started melting. i feel like nobody wants me anymore. all i want to do is laying in bed, play genshin impact and eat like trash.

well i like old men(blame on daddies money not love) and i started releasing that i cannot feel in love properly. i wanna be in love but every men that i have crush on are married or engaged. meh, i hate myself cuz of that(maybe some body dysmorphia)
posible tw
i lost like 8 kilograms during quarantine,i kinda started loving myself at the beginning or as the scale goes down. all i wanna do is throw up everything i eat or drink.